Sunday, July 8, 2012

A Fistful of Tyrants

Pantsuit diplomacy

Secretary of State Hilliary Clinton announced recently that the United States is ready to establish a democracy in Libya. She cited that government in Libya should be by the "will of the people, and not the whim of a Dictator". An interesting concept, to be sure, and one that our own nation was founded on.

I applaud this move to get rid of the single dictator government in Libya. We should help them to become more like our own political system with not a single dictator, but a whole bunch of them. Because two is better than one, and so hundreds are better than two, amiright?

What Libya needs are a bunch of czars, bureaucrats, and legislators elected by the will of people getting handouts, just like here in America. They need someone to tell them what to eat, give them free healthcare, and tax the crap out of all of those rich sand barons in Libya to pay for it all. And they also need a woman in a pantsuit to lead the way.

Just think back to our own revolution. We were completely losing until the French arrived and kicked the British out. And then, we were like, "yeah, but then what?". And France was like "sacre bleu! You need a democracy!". And so France sent us a bunch of ballot boxes and we had elections, and George Washington put on the first pantsuit and led the way. 

And because Washington was so popular, and people kept voting for him, he could have been President for life. But, as we all know, democratically elected despots leaders always relinquish power after a couple of terms in office, and Washington decided to retire to Los Angeles so he could write a memoir and maybe sell it to a movie studio.

This is exactly what is happening in Egypt. They kicked out Mubarak, after we helped and stuff. And then they were like, "what now?", and we sent them ballot boxes, and they voted in the Muslim Brotherhood. And in about eight years or so, the people will still be voting for them (except Jews and Christians...racists), but they'll step down and retire to Los Angeles too, because that is what democracy does.

So, we can do that in Libya as well. The people will vote in elections, under the watchful eye of Hilliary Clinton, and elect a new leader to lead the way, who would never dream of trying to be president for life or anything like that. And there will be regulations, and legislation, and hating the rich, and free stuff for poor people, and everything!

Just like in America.

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