Vehicle Control Advocates Say the Time is Now for Auto Bans

[Article cross-posted at IMAO]

Washington, D.C. (NPN) - Activists rallied at the National Mall today to voice their concerns about the growing danger of vehicles in the hands of crazed drivers, particularly high capacity vehicles.

"I demand all high capacity cars be outlawed!" shouted Daniel Smith, an organizer for the vehicle control advocacy group Coalition to Stop Car Violence. The advocacy group was just one of many organizing the rally that brought an astounding thirty five people to Washington to have their voices heard.

Most vehicle control advocates are just focusing on high capacity vehicles, and the Obama Administration seems to be catering to their concerns. When asked about the President's stance on the issue, White House press secretary Jay Carney said that the President feels the time has come to put strict limits on how many passengers can be loaded into a single automobile.

Komrade Michelle Leads Glorious Nation's Youth in Healthy Revolution

Chicago, IL (NPN State News Service) - The picturesque scene at the McCormick Place convention center in Chicago was one of true patriotism and revolution as the Dear Leader's glorious and most beautiful wife, Comrade Michelle led our great nation's youth in a new revolution against being a fat and lazy citizen. In an effort to mark the occasion, these young revolutionary comrades starved themselves for many hours in protest of evil greedy capitalist excess.

We Are Prog Resistance is Futile

We are Prog. Resistance is futile.

I was thinking about this the other day...progressives, or "Progs" in interwebs parlance, are a lot like the Borg from Star Trek. They really don't have anytime for resistance, because to them such is futile. Because they are "progressive"...which means they are the next step, which is of course unavoidable. I mean, you won't hear them saying stuff like "resistance is futile" in a weird robot-alien voice, but they are thinking it. Probably. I mean, when some Prog is telling you that "it's for the children", they are really just saying "you have no chance to survive, make your time."

Assault Weapons

Big gun go BOOM!

I keep reading and hearing about this silly gun debate and how some conservatives are finally understanding the intent of that amendment that says something about rights to bear arms and stuff. Because that wasn't for hunting. You know, Thomas Jefferson or that Adams guy or any of those guys that wore powdered wigs didn't stand up and go all "we must protect the right of citizens to go a-hunting!".

Redisplay of Controversial Photo Sparks Riots, Vandalism

This here is from Arik...


NEW YORK, NY (NPN) - After nearly a quarter century, the photo "Piss Christ" by Andres Serrano is still a source of controversy among fundamentalist Christians. The artwork, which is once again on display in Manhattan, has sparked rioting in cities around the world, as well as vandalism, including an attempt on  the photo itself.

In Manhattan streets, rioters made their way from the gallery on West 57th Street to Turtle Bay, where they stood in Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, waving signs and burning the flag of the United Nations. "Death to Azerbaijan!" shouted one protestor, while others called for the beheading of nonbelievers.

In Washington D.C. protestors stormed the Iranian embassy, calling for Irani President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to apologize for the content of the photo, which was created when the artist took a photo of a small plastic crucifix placed in a jar of his own urine. The Iranian ambassador was quickly moved to a safe house, where he was promptly discovered by rioters and beaten into submission.

The photo itself sustained damage when an group calling themselves "Jihadis for Jesus" ran into the gallery with cans of spray paint and began spraying them at the artwork. (Article continues below photo)

The "artwork" vandalized by radical Christians.

In Rome, Pope Benedict took the unprecedented step of issuing a fatwa on the artist. "Itsa outtarageous, thissa guy," said the Pope. " Makin a pitchur ofa da crucifix inna bottle ofa his owna peepee.  I wanna see da heada dis guy onna pole outsida my window. Also da heada dat Snooki chick. Dat puttana makesa da whole country of Italia look bad."

Elsewhere, masked protestors took a photograph of the artist, himself, and covered  it with human excrement. When asked about the picture, one of these men responded, "We actually had a bit of a disagreement about what to call it. It ended up being called 'Dung Artist,' you know, kind of named after his blasphemous garbage. Personally, I would have chosen, 'Portrait of the Artist as a Poopyhead.' In the end, it's all the same: It just let's this guy know  what a piece of crap he really is."

Andres Serrano puts on happy poo face.

The artist, who lives at 443 S. Walnut Ave, Riverside, CA, 92134, was arrested and taken by the Los Angeles County Sheriff Department to the county jail, at 566 34th St. NW, Palmdale, Ca, 90235. A spokesman for the department denied that the action was taken as a punitive measure for his blasphemous picture, but simply because he had a number of unpaid traffic citations. "Yeah, he's totally got, like, a bunch of speeding tickets, for going, like, 80 in a 75 zone, and, like, 28 in a school zone, so he, like, totally needed some jail time, dude," said Deputy Breeze Westerly.

Traffic scofflaw pays price for life in fast lane.

At Royal Oaks Country Club in Las Vegas, where he was attending a fundraiser, President Obama gave a prepared statement: "It's clear, from the events of recent days, that the outrageous actions require a swift and decisive response. Therefore, on behalf of the people of the United States, I apologize for these right wing extremists who, clinging bitterly to their guns and their religion, make our nation a less tolerant place. I particularly apologize to the people of the Middle East, who throughout their long and storied history have been not only the cradle of civilization, but a beacon of tolerance for all to follow. Now watch this putt."

Conservative spokesman Eric Matthews, who no one really has heard of or cares about, said, "I hate to say it, but this is the logical outcome of four years of appeasement and apologies. Christians are learning that they get short shrift from the administration unless they create havoc in the streets. When thuggery results in apologies to the thugs, the logical outcome is more thuggery. When bullying is rewarded, you get more bullies. That is the legacy the Obama administration will leave the nation. Also a runaway budget deficit and trillions of dollars more debt." Mr. Matthews then slunk off to whatever cesspool he crawled out of.

Nobel Participant Prize

Rumor is, the medal will be replaced with a doughnut.

[Originally posted at IMAO]

Oslo, Norway (NPN) - The esteemed Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded for the year of 2012 to none other than the greatest propnent of peace on Earth, the entire European Union. Members of the EU assembly, a coillective of self-serving and officious bureaucrats, rejoiced and celebrated with lots of self-aggrandizement and partying, which they generally only reserve for days that end with "day".