Monday, March 25, 2013

Just got back from an ADVENTURE... Did you miss me?

So I got a free day. That never happens. I decided to take an adventure to Chicago all by myself. I know. A bit depressing, huh?  But I figured it would be entertaining to explore the city the Obamas call home. Sorta. So I thought I'd take some pictures and report back on my findings. I had NO IDEA Michelle was gonna BE THERE torturing school kids!  Wait that was a few weeks ago. Too bad.

I discovered quickly that Chicago was different than my little Wisconsin town.

1. It was warm. And the sky was blue. (I haven't seen a sky that color since September)  My question. Does Al Gore do that for them as a professional courtesy? Or do they have to pay him under the table?

2. Everything is BIG.  I wish my GPS worked in this store. It is 3 stories of mazes of things to buy leading to more things to buy. They even have "shortcuts" that you think will lead you out which actually lead you to more things to buy. Note to self: wear comfortable rather than cute shoes next time. The coolest, though?? The separate escalators they have for the shopping carts. That was pretty awesome. I'm just surprised they didn't hire union guys to carry the carts down. That would create more jobs. I thought Obama liked those. Right?

This is a cart on it's own escalator. Sorry about the poor picture,  I was on an escalator at the time.

3. There are cars everywhere. I'm pretty sure there were cars on top of cars there were so many cars.  Oddly, none of them were Chevy Volts.

4. Perhaps due to 3, there was a whole lot more horn honking than I was used to. NOISY. It was often punctuated with shouted words and phrases that I've never heard before. Because of the city's wide racial and ethnic diversity, I imagine they were in some foreign language.

5. Hint: Don't do like me and finally find your way out of the BIG store at 4:58 and try and head for home.  (Yes, I am a woman,  so I asked for directions no less than FOUR times. It still took a ridiculous amount of time to puzzle my way out) "Stop-and-go traffic" took on a whole different meaning. Stop traffic: When you can read the billboards over and over and over. (and over)  They could put "small print" on their billboards and you'd still have time to read it. Go traffic: when you better see how fast your mini van can go from 0 to 60 or you get crushed.  The billboards begin to look like the view from the Millenium Falcon when Han gets it into hyperdrive. So... unfortunately no pics...if you wanna see what I saw...we'll have to do a Jedi mind meld.

6. Aforementioned billboards were nothing like I had ever seen. Sometimes they were not advertising what I THOUGHT they were advertising:

A M B I A N C E  (so I'm thinking a store with rugs, lighting, etc...)
Get your game on (so I'm thinking...hmm??..decorating ideas for your athletic room?)
Mind Blowing Suites (huh?)
for Adult Couples (oh. oops. Blush.)

I saw a few for casinos and shows. Milwaukee has those. But I had no idea what this one was advertising:


Was it a pill?  A doctor?  An escort service? I don't know. I couldn't get the details because at that moment the traffic began to GO...and I didn't wanna get squished. Perhaps Michelle should BRING Barack next time she comes home to Chicago.

7. I saw a place I'm sure Obama frequents.

8. And a few places Michelle has obviously NOT seen...

Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins under the same roof. That's almost too much wonderful to coexist. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. AND, they had a drive through window.  I pull in.

Me: (exuberantly...remember...I have just discovered HEAVEN on earth)  HEY! :) How are you??

Cashier with Indian accent (you have to read it with an Indian accent. Just sayin):   I'm not ready.

Me: oh. ok.

I sit there quietly. Sorta. Tapping steering wheel. I'm not so good at patient.

Cashier with Indian Accent: Can I help you?

Me: Yes! Hey! Do you have coconut donuts???

Cashier with Indian Accent: (long pause) mmmmmmm. yis.

Me: Awesome! How many do you have???

Long, irritated pause.

Cashier with Indian Accent: (suspiciously) How many do you want??

I guess it's not ok to ask about their inventory. I may be like...a donut shop spy or something.

Me: Ummm....well (to myself: not too many...self control, self control....I'm thinking 6. That's a nice number. I could get one of those cute little half dozen boxes. That's not too many, right?) ...Ok. 6. Can I have 6?

Cashier with Indian Accent: No.

Me: (disappointed) Aww.

Cashier with Indian Accent: We only have do.
(I took that to mean they had 2)

Me: Oh, ok. Can I have 2 then??

Cashier with Indian Accent: That will be one dalla and ninty eight cents.

I then pulled up to the window and handed over my credit card. But I didn't get a cute little box...or a cute little bag either. They handed me my TWO donuts in a plain brown paper bag. The cashier with the Indian accent looked at me with worry as I began to laugh and check both sides of the bag for a warning label and Michael Moore's face. I guess Michelle HAD been to this store, after all.

I found ANOTHER Dunkin Donuts and ordered all THEY had, too. All total, FIVE. :(


  1. I suspect this apparent dearth of coconut donuts has something to do with the FDA's alleged plans to stockpile 1.6 billion of them over the next five years.

    1. Who do I bribe to get the LOCATION of that stockpile? :)

  2. Fun Fact: I once had a date at that Ikea.

    I bought a lamp and a TV stand there.

    1. Well, walkingdead, you've got me beat. I have never EVER had a date at that Ikea.

      No lamp or TV stand either. :( But sore feet. Really sore feet.