Monday, July 22, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Don't Call Me

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

To Ease the Pain of Obamacare Implementation, President Obama…

#5 Amer-I-Can :...has promised to maybe, almost, possibly but probably not keep you current Health care/Doctor.

#4 blarg :…is having sound-proofing installed on all presidential transportation and residences.

#3 Burt:.…asked his pals in the entertainment industry to re-release the theme song from M*A*S*H

#2 nabqrules: ...mandates Lidocaine laced envelopes, so your numb to the bad taste in your mouth.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Rodney Dill

To Ease the Pain of Obamacare Implementation, President Obama…Took two aspirin and went golfing in the morning.

Also, Kiss up cookies to can of spam for his line: 
To Ease the Pain of Obamacare Implementation, President Obama…is having the CIA sneak hashish into Anonymiss’ cookies.
(although my cookies cure depression without it. They're just that good :)

Raspberry Almond Tarts to Rodney Dill
and can of spam!


If you haven't been around this weekend, you probably don't know the good news!!!! Keln let me out of the dungeon! Of course, I owe him cookies...

But that's not so bad. The dwarves helped me move my baby, so I'll get on that today...

I'm also making cookies for Les. He got this shot for me. Cookies to Sketchy!

Doesn't Keln look so cute on my throne?


My favorite NP punchlines:

Fake signs on roadway warn speeders of drones. Other warning signs...

#3 Dohtimes: will be on Colorado car roofs warning drones of bounty hunters.

#2  Bob in Feenicks:...your next stop... The Twilight Zone!

...your next stop... A Sparkly Vampire Area!
(Wait, isn't that the same thing?)
 [note from Anonymiss: go check out this pic]

My favorite line was from Oppo:

Fake signs on roadway warn speeders of drones. Other warning signs...

include "Bump in Road" outside the Benghazi consulate,

"RR Crossing" in front of Reagan's homestead and "Dip in Road" in front of Biden's,

"Do Not Pass" in front of copies of the Senate immigration bill, and

"Falling Rocks" followed by another sign that says "Actually, no, it doesn't."

Toffee Trifle to Oppo!


Here's a new line for you to try:

Hearing on the news that the Royals had a baby boy, President Obama...


  1. Sent him the traditional royal gift of an iPod full of his speeches.

  2. ..asked if the kid looked like Trayvon.

  3. ...tried to set up a play date with Joe Biden.

    ...wondered why the Royal Family would punish Kate with a baby.

  4. ... bowed to him.

  5. ... stole him from Kate Middleton and gave her three tries to guess his real name to get him back.

  6. ..said "you didn't do that...someone else made that happen".

  7. ...reminded them that the name King Barack I was reserved.

  8. ... wondered how long it would be before the kid had two autobiographies and a Nobel prize.

    ... feigned interest as he considered how this could relate to him.

  9. ...will attempt surrogacy to give birth to an idea that might actually work, but like all things he pivots to, nothing will ever happen...

  10. ...refused to look at any pictures of him until he looked a lot less like Winston Churchill.