Friday, June 15, 2012

Navigable Ditches and the Royal Rodent Navy

Mouster and Commander

So you own a house, and are probably rather proud of that fact, assuming you aren't completely under water like so many other home owners in these trying times. And across the front lawn in front of your house it is likely that you have a ditch for drainage, or perhaps you have a small creek in the back, or a depression in your back yard that fills with water when it rains a lot creating a temporary puddle. Congratulations, these will all be federally controlled lands! Well, if the EPA gets their way that is.

The EPA, that power-hungry, hippie-infested, all-powerful government agency that works to make life for the average American and business owners alike truly difficult, is now trying to claim ditches and water-filled depressions as federally regulated property. Under the Clean Water Act, they are seeking to classify these parcels of soggy dirt as "Navigable Waterways".

Yes, navigable. As in, it can sustain a waterborne vessel from point A to point B within the United States. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but they do have a point. You see, years of evidence have surmounted to prove that these oft ignored waterways are in fact navigable. The EPA has witnessed ants using leaves to cross from one shore of a puddle to the other for example. And let us not forget the occasional mouse put on a tiny model ship for sport.

I fear for those of you that have swimming pools, because the Clean Water Act, once pools are deemed navigable waterways, will not allow for the addition of chemicals to its pristine waters. And of course, once those waters become infested with algae and critters, your local public health authority will probably have it condemned.

Don't you just love government?

Feel free to comment below. Please keep it civil and respect my no-cussin' policy.

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