Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Reader Submission: How To Argue with a Liberal Part 3

Here is part three of the three part series on how to argue with a liberal, by Walkingdead. If you didn't catch the first two parts you can find them here and here.

How to Win an Argument with a Liberal (Part 3)

Before I finish up this award winning (my mom gave me a ribbon) piece I just wanted to get a few liberal myths out of the way:

#1 You can’t become a liberal by sitting on a toilet seat after a liberal.

#2 Unprotected sex can lead to many bad things, but liberalism really isn’t one of them. Although new research may prove this wrong.

#3 Many people experiment with liberalism in college and their younger years, while most of the time they see the light.  In my opinion it should be monitored whenever possible as to not encourage this type of behavior long term.

Now that we have this out of the way, let’s get back to it.  I left off at #3 and that’s were we’re going to jump back in.

#3 The rich don’t pay their fair share. They need to pitch in.

This one is in my top 5 all time favorites. What the average person does not understand about taxes can be fit into the Grand Canyon. Before you start to poo poo my line of thought here, have you ever seen the U.S. tax code? It can’t fit in to the Grand Canyon. Scholars maintain that if you laid the bill out end to end on standard paper, it would reach the moon and back 32 times, and those are just the parts of the tax code Charlie Rangel dodged. My advice for this one would be to just ask one question. Just ask it. I’ve never got an answer back. All you do is ask, “What is a fair share”? 99 times out of 100 the liberal will be stumped. After that you can go home and take a nap. You earned it.


This one here is my all time favorite; I get this 3-4 times a day actually. The first thing you will need to do when this happens is pull out your keys. Jingle them around for a little bit and try and distract them with the shiny and the sounds. Typically after about 3 minutes they will forget what they were so angry about and go back to playing with their blocks. However, in some rare cases the defiant attitude of the liberal will rise, boiling over from his anger (or sadness) inside. At this point you may want to pull out a stuffed teddy bear. Politely ask the liberal where on the bear did Bush touch them? Reassure the liberal that everything is going to be ok, and George can’t hurt them anymore. He’s gone; he has been for 3 years now. Typically this reduces the liberal in to uncontrollable sobbing. If this is something you don’t want to put up with, then my next piece of advice is to scream HIPPIE and just punch him in the face.

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