The Idiot Voter Test

Voting for Dummies: Don't...

This whole election thing is just so frustrating. Once again, we have to listen to stupid rhetoric and lies told over and over on TV and radio ads, and on the internet. Half-truths at best, most of this crap is designed to scare a large part of the voting population to vote for one guy over the other. What voting segment is this, you may ask. Is it blacks? Latinos? Women? White men? Illegal immigrants? Dead people? Well, I was getting to that before you interrupted me with your stupid questions.

The voting bloc I speak of transcends race or gender, legal or illegal status, or biological state. I speak of idiots. Yes, idiots vote. And there are an awful lot of them out there. See, pundits keep going on and on about the "moderates" or "swing voters" determining elections. Those are nice words, but in reality, "swing voters" are mainly people who are too stupid or ignorant to really know which way to vote in a given election. 

See, many Americans, probably even most Americans, know the issues at least at a basic level, and understand which candidate supports them. While a lot of people on the left are morons in their own right, they do have a pretty clear picture of what they want this country to look like (something between Soviet Russia, Cuba, and France). And admittedly, there are some pretty ignorant folks on the right who hear the word "gun" or "'Merka", and vote for a Republican, just because they always do, no matter what. But most on the left and the right have a pretty good idea of how they want to vote, based mainly on viewpoints and ideology. 

But the swing-voter...mostly just ignorant morons. They don't have a political ideology. Not because they are blessedly "open-minded", but mostly because their minds don't process much more than what it takes to eat a cheeseburger and watch television. They cannot connect how the way they vote ultimately affects their own lives, and so they just go with whoever seems popular...or less scary.

And if political ads do nothing else, they scare these poor, hapless idiots into voting for the guy who makes the scariest ads. I mean...just listen to these advertisements. I can't do it without rolling my eyes every 2.3 seconds. If you believed everything you heard in these ads, and you were an intelligent person otherwise, you would have to wonder how any of these people could ever be on a ballot. 

But the ignorant swing-voter doesn't know and doesn't care about politics, because spending some time to learn about things like facts and the way the government works would seriously cut into their TV-watching time. 

No matter what, every single election, it comes down to the middle-of-the-road idiots to choose a president. Think about that. And think about the fact that, now matter what the actual facts are about the candidates, it will all come down to campaigning, and which candidate can better convince the morons to vote for them. That's right. No matter what a horrible job as President Obama has done, an election is like a reset button for him. All he has to do is campaign and tell a lot of lies to the dumb people, and he gets another 4 years. And while the swing-voters are all wondering why they lost their jobs and the price of gas went up to $10 a gallon, we'll all be cursing them.

But, I have a simple solution for this conundrum: make idiot voting illegal. Yes, I know, everyone believes it is the right of every U.S. citizen to be able to vote. And I agree. However, I also think proving competence is not beyond the reach of every citizen...and so that should be a requirement to vote. Simply require a prospective voter pass a short test before they can vote. Maybe like 5 questions. For example:

1. Name the two major candidates running for U.S. President.

2. Name one major issue in this election.

3. Name the two vice presidential candidates.

4. Name the two major political parties.

5. How many states are there in the U.S.?

And if you miss a single question, you aren't allowed to vote. Seems really simple, right? I'd even say it could be done orally, for the reading-challenged. On the surface, it would seem that any idiot could answer all of these questions. Not true. There are lots of idiots who would fail this test...and they still vote. Just look at how many people have problems with simple things like pushing a button at the polls.

I don't think this is too much to ask of a voter. It doesn't demand much intelligence...just enough due diligence to at least have an inkling of what is going on in an election.

But then, if this were ever to get implemented, I suspect a democrat would never sit in the White House again...