Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Tactical Nuke: Wednesday, August 1, 2012

• You know me, I don't really comment on sports much (until college football season...then it's on!), but these Olympics are kinda crap.

First, you have the British (who I am really a big fan of) getting all crybaby over Romney saying that London might possibly not be ready for a Summer Games. They got all huffy about it, but considering the issues they've had so far, Mitt, the guy who ran the Salt Lake City games, might have known what he was talking about. Me? I don't really care. Mitt probably should have not said that.

Second, Michael Phelps. This one takes the cake. Read the headlines: Michael Phelps is a wash-up because he hasn't already won like 200 gold medals this Olympics or something. I actually read a headline that said he had a "dismal performance" in which he won a silver medal.

He won a silver medal. In the Olympics! Jeez! He is swimming against the best swimmers in the world, and we're supposed to believe he is a wreck of a human being because he isn't repeating his unheard of performance in Beijing? I don't even care about swimming...but I know ridiculous when I read it.

So if Phelps is a wash-up:

- Jessie Owens has totally let us down by not repeating his 1936 performances when we needed him the most during the Cold War. In ice skating. And hockey.

- Dorthy Hamill is Dorthy Who? If she can't continue winning gold medals in skating, she should be stricken from Wikipedia. Age is not an excuse!

- Hey Marc Spitz, how come you let that wash-up Phelps show you up? That makes you even worse of a wash-up. Failure!

- Carl Lewis, when is the last time you crossed a finish line? That's what I thought, loser!

- Cassius clay, winning at boxing like one or two times don't mean squat. So what if you lit the Olympic torch years later. Get off your duff and back into the ring, you pansy wash-up!

- Big deal Thomas Burke, you won the first gold medal in what. You haven't won anything in London yet. And being dead is not an excuse...reanimate you wash-up!

So, yeah, it is officially the London What Have You Done For Me Lately 2012 Summer Olympics.

• In other news, NBC Olympic coverage has officially jumped the shark. They had the snappy theme song and all that for years. Now...their coverage sucks as bad as anything else on NBC.

• Fox News Headline! China is going to the moon! So what about the U.S.?

Uh..I dunno...been there done that? Like 43 years ago or something? Way to play catchup China. Way to go communism. It's like capitalism, - 43 years.

Oh...and a disclaimer...China's mission is unmanned. But it's the moon! That is way more impressive than driving toy cars around on freaking Mars. Right? #marsroversarewashups

• Not that I care, but Snoop Dogg has officially changed his name to Snoop Lion.

Apparently, this was in response to an official invitation to dinner with President Obama. He wanted to prevent any confusion as to whether he was a guest or the main course.

This is assuming Obama never ate lion (tough, but tasty).

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