Thursday, October 31, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - It's a Bird...It's a Plane...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY! :)
Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New Report Shows Government Workers Are Absent 50% More Than Private Sector Ones. What Do They Do With That Time Off?


#5 blarg: …they put on their human costume and try to blend in with everyone else.

#4 walruskkkch: ...design government computer websites.

#3 can of spam: ...Other exercises in oppression, such as being HOA board members.

#2 Conservatarian:  Play solitaire on their personal computer rather than their “work” computer.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Bob B.:


A New Report Shows Government Workers Are Absent 50% More Than Private Sector Ones. What Do They Do With That Time Off? Polishing up the details on their collective alter-ego, SuperVisor – faster than a speeding investigation, more powerful than an outraged public, able to leap stacks of laws with a single waiver, fighting a never-ending battle to suppress truth, subvert justice, and protect the union way.

 Cookies to Bob B.!

and today's best kiss uppers were Jeff in South Dakota, can of spam, James and walruskkkch:

A New Report Shows Government Workers Are Absent 50% More Than Private Sector Ones. What Do They Do With That Time Off?

Jeff in South Dakota: Steal cookies. [No!]

can of spamWe can be pretty sure it isn’t baking cookies. [Agreed.]

James:. . . work on a secret new government invention that disguises walnuts as chocolate chips (insert evil, wicked laugh). [the HORRORS!]

walruskkkchTry to steal Anonymiss’ best cookie recipes! [I *thought* my recipe box looked like it had been tampered with!]


Kiss up cookies to Jeff in South Dakota,
can of spam, James and walruskkkch!
TRICK-or-TREAT!
____________________

My favorite line from yesterday was from rodney dill:

British sailors have discovered that blasting Britney Spears' music is such an effective pirate deterrent that they rarely need to fire guns. Other unusual weapons...promising a walrus Anonymiss' cookies if he'll just take out a few pirate boats first.

Cookies to rodney dill!

Here's a new line for you to try:


When President Obama saw a study showing that left-handed people, like himself, are more likely to be schizophrenic he...

12 comments:

  1. ...asked "does this mean I'll be getting 2 paychecks?"

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...laughed a sinister laugh...

    ...sat in a rocking chair, softly crooning "Just the Two of Us" to himself...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Declared himself a paranoid schizoid product of the the twentieth century.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...summoned his staff, and as he declared "We are not amused", he really meant it for the first time...

    ReplyDelete
  5. ... he chortled, and thought to themselves "We already knew that. And what's so damned hard about keeping and not keeping your insurance?"

    ReplyDelete
  6. He crooned as he looked at the Obama care website "Now we have you My Precious, oh yesssss."

    ReplyDelete
  7. He crooned as he looked at the Obama care website "Now we have you My Precious, oh yesssss."

    ReplyDelete
  8. FYI schizophrenia is not the same as multiple personality disorder.

    " Multiple personality disorder is a different and much less common disorder than schizophrenia. People with schizophrenia do not have split personalities. Rather, they are “split off” from reality."

    ReplyDelete
  9. ...did the smart thing and started stabbing left-handed people in the face with his pet machete.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...said the voices in his head disagreed.

    ReplyDelete