Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Kiss Up to Anonymiss for Cookies - Updated Straight Line

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:  (actually, it is WAY PAST time to choose the winners....but there were so MANY good answers I've had to bake and bake and BAKE to have enough cookies for all you clever guys :)

Why don't you comment on Anonymiss's Straight Line when you check for the winner of the IMAO Straight Line at Nuking Politics?...

Because you had SO MANY awesome lines this time...I had a terrible time narrowing it down.  I read through the list again and jotted down each one that actually made me laugh out loud.  I figured if you could get me to do that, you deserved COOKIES.  So here are some of my favorites. (not really in any particular order)  (Some of the guys had SEVERAL I loved.  It has taken me hours to narrow it down to these...can of spam was really on fire!)  I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you guys are simply AWESOME at excuses :)


can of spam: [squeaky nerd voice] Well..I get kind of nervous around girls, and don’t usually know what to say… but I’ll give it a try [/squeaky nerd voice]
Um.. I’ve been…. er… ah.. NICE B**BIES!

Jimmy: “I already have an Internet woman.”

rodney dill: There once was a girl, Anonymiss,
O’er the internet you could not kiss,
Her straight lines were sound,
But often not found,
And now we’re taking much flack for this.

Son of Bob: Harvey, you better hope she doesn’t go all Hillary on you…I’m just sayin’ – You might get hit by an ashtray or commit suicide, or something.

D***Cat: “It’s not her – it’s me.”

FormerHostage: Hmmm? Oh, sorry dear. Did you say something?

FredKey: [steinem] Because she should be AnonyMS.!!!!![/steinem]

Apostic: Because the profanity filter keeps taking out my entire comments.

a guy named Rob: If she’d taken her shoes off and got back in the kitchen like she’s supposed to, we’d of been fine

plentyobailouts: Oh quitch yer whinin and get in the kitchen and make pie!  [I *do* make pie on occasion]

Dohtimes: I always get distracted reading Rodney Dills Blogger profile.

Bob in Feenicks: “What is this ‘Nuking Politics’ website? Why am I only just hearing about it now?”

walruskkkch: When I try to talk to girls I go all “squishy”.

Bob B: I leave that sort of thing to the true professionals…

Iowa Jim: Anonymiss is a GIRL? I thought Anonymiss was just a guy with poor spelling skills. Now that I know, I’ll never get in line behind her at a cash register, or ask her to parallel park or balance a checkbook.

COOKIES to the LOT!!!


You should check out Springeraz's Cookie Challenge No 1.  (I'm making the prizes :)  Cookies to Springeraz!

The best punchlines for the last Nuking Politics straight line: (thanks for all of the comments!)

When President Obama goes to Texas on Wednesday...

#3 A Guy Named Rob: …He'll give a speech attended only by press from the east coast, and 4 armadillos, and then be chased from Austin to Oklahoma by a 1984 Cadillac Coup de Ville with longhorns on the front, driven by a 76 yr old oil tycoon and is wife, Miss Texas 2011.

#2 Dohtimes ...he will make Michelle stop at the border because he heard everything is bigger in Texas.

and my favorite one by Rodney Dill:

When President Obama goes to Texas on Wednesday...he'll dang sure comment here first, or risk losing all his cookies.

COOKIES to Rodney!


Now here's a line for you guys to try to impress me:

Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., said that "People with radical ideas can use everyday objects to cause great harm," like...?


  1. ... well, let's just say that with a simple paper cut and lemon juice, I can own ALL of your secrets.

    1. What makes you think I have any secrets? (shy smile)

  2. ... tofu, which is pure, concentrated evil disguised as food which fools the gullible into believing a life without meat is worth living.

  3. ...what George Clooney does to a movie role.

    1. HEY!! I like George Clooney. Kinda. On occasion he's not that bad. Sorta. :P

  4. ...what Michelle Obama has done to school lunches.

  5. ...creating Edward Swiss-Army knife hands and unleashing him on the world.

  6. ... "poetry" by Amanda Palmer plus a loudspeaker... I can't project an accurate casualty count in terms of deaths, but the emotional scarring could be epidemic.

  7. Bacon! Is there anything it can't do?

  8. . . . health insurance.

  9. . . . that guy who walked right up to me the other day, asked "Are you Ed Markey?", and then hit me - with his fists! I'm introducing a bill to ban fists!!

  10. . . . that guy who walked right up to me the other day, asked "Are you Ed Markey?", and then hit me - with his fists! I'm introducing a bill to ban fists!!

  11. wife's attitude, the smell my dog makes after eating any form of venison, or the corner of any cabinet you've ever stubbed a toe into

  12. ...awarding cookies can crush the souls of the unfunny.

  13. ...Barack Obama and a teleprompter.

  14. ...Kenneth whupped Rather with the frequency.

  15. (....and thanks for all the cookies)

  16. shorts, bikers who don't wear shorts, partition free urinals, Florida drivers licenses, shotguns, and gun shaped Pop Tarts used to retrieve a fork stuck in a toaster. In Massachusetts the most danger people face is falling down drunk or driving off bridge drunk Kennedys.

    1. Bikers who don't wear shorts and gun shaped poptarts....truly treacherous.

  17. ...Joe Biden with a microphone.

    ...Eric Holder and the law.

    ...Michelle Obama and a school lunch menu.