Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Separation of Church and Real Estate

A Nevada County, California church has been ordered to take down a billboard because, well, because someone complained about it. Technically, it’s because they didn’t get permission from the county to change it.

It seems that most people don’t have a problem with the new sign, but one interviewee apparently thinks most folks in the county have gone blind from drinking radiator moonshine, because, in his words, “It’s uh, uh, it’s an eyesore.”

I hate to subject the reader to such an abominable sight as this 21st century blotch on the idyllic local landscape. I’m inclined to post an advisory to abandon all hope, ye who scroll down. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

"Fetch the gas can, Terrance."
Looks like they did a bit of landscaping, too. Tsk. Degenerates.
There has to be some kind of breach of either Church and State or the Good and Plenty clause here, somewhere.

Time for some eye bleach.

This intrepid investigative clicker did his homework, and through the miracle of Google Street View, found a shot of the original sign.

Here’s the quaint old billboard it replaced — certainly a historical piece, as it was erected during Bill Clinton’s first year in office.

Bates Motel - 5 miles

Note the sanguine gradations, the subtle lateral peeling. Who knows — an original Rembrandt may well lie hidden beneath the fragile lamina.

But I suppose we’ll never know, will we — thanks to you-know-who.

Here’s a shot of another billboard just up the road, courtesy of Google Street View. Let's hope that a Bible-thumping, vinyl-wielding horde hasn't already swooped in to replace it, so at least there’s a glimmer of hope that future generations may be able to enjoy the nostalgic pleasure of attempting to decode a crumbling real estate sign.

Coincidentally, “Piece of Paradise” is also the nickname of Uncle Kyle’s windowless van.

The Church is meeting with the county soon, so we’ll see if bureaucracy beadledom rationality rightly prevails. Meanwhile, for some reason, the sight of that last billboard has inspired me to plan a little jaunt through Northern California’s lovely whine country. Ta-ta!

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