Monday, April 14, 2014

War Breaks Out in Georgia!

(WTH)ATLANTA - War broke out unexpectedly last night in Georgia during an Atlanta Braves game. The Braves were at bat with two out in the bottom of the fifth when suddenly rockets went up over the right field wall, setting alight the American Flag. As the horrified crowd ran for cover, the flag turned to ashes.

Details are still sketchy as to who exactly Georgia is at war with, but Congressman Hank Johnson (D-GA), in whose district the attack took place, was quick to release a statement. 
"I think we all will recall when Bush let Putin invade Georgia in 2008. Now, the Russians didn't make it quite this far back then, but what with them looking to take over Ukraine, we figure it's only a matter of time until he gets to us."
At a press conference, President Obama was quick to downplay a possible Russian invasion:

"Current intelligence is indicating this is not a Russian invas...uncontested entry. According to my National Security Advisor, this is most likely the result of either right-wing extremists or a really mean video on YouTube. Either way, we won't rest until we've brought the perpetrators to justice, or the public gets bored. Probably the latter.
Oddly, no one seems to have been hurt in the fighting, nor can anyone actually recall shots being fired, but Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was quick to call for a ban on assault rifles.
"I think we need to find out what sort of weapons were or were not used in this attack and ban them all. It was probably assault rifles. It's always assault rifles. Assault rifles are scary.
Braves management could not be reached for comment.


  1. probably a response to the racist name "Braves" and the "tomahawk chop". an uprising of the SUE nation as represented by the American Bar Association.