Monday, December 8, 2014

Justice for (Your Martyr of the Week Here)

Last week, several St. Louis Rams players came out onto the field in the “hands up, don’t shoot” pose, in support of protests of the Michael Brown grand jury decision. The Rams then proceeded to beat, crush, thrash, pound, pummel, wallop, and annihilate the Raiders 52-0. Although Rams guard Rodger Saffold injured his shoulder during the game, Oakland lost offensive tackle Menelik Watson to an ankle injury, and tight end Brian Leonhardt is still out after apparently suffering a concussion.

This calls for a protest. Such senseless violence cannot be tolerated. Can you believe people actually pay money to watch such carnage, and TV networks pay billions to air it?

Think of the children who are inspired by these barbarians to play football, only to be rewarded with concussions, various other injuries, and the dreaded participation trophy. If your kid expresses an interest in this type of activity, please have the presence of mind to tell him, “What, do you want to grow up to be a Raider?”

Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe the excessive use of force by racist police officers is becoming a huge epidemic that can only be mitigated by civil unrest, looting, arson, and assaulting authorities.

I’m inclined to include in my will the provision that, if I’m ever shot to death after going for a police officer’s gun, or I die after resisting arrest to the point of needing to be restrained in a headlock, and the police who use such force are not punished, rioters should be encouraged to take to the streets, and NFL and NBA stars should be inspired to wear T-shirts bearing my last words or a provocative slogan  — preferably in a cartoon font, or hand drawn with a Sharpie.

Remember, people’s lives matter much more if you believe they died because of racism.

Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose wears a T-shirt during warm-ups Saturday to commemorate the previous day’s fatal shooting of a Loyola student during an armed robbery in Rose’s hometown — or perhaps the 395 homicides there so far this year — or not.

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