Fighting ISIS for Dummies

Since it is clear to all thinking Americans and no one can defeat ISIS militarily, Obama really has to think outside the box on ways to prevent ISIS from continuing its assault on Americans.  My man in State has leaked some of our President’s leading ideas to defeat ISIS:

·         Add a Quran course to the Common Core curriculum

·         Since anything can be used as a weapon with the proper creativity, ban all personal property (Common Core is already working on stifling creativity)

·         Use AFFH to equitably distribute all Muslim refugees throughout all communities in America

·         Retool the AP American History standards to paint the Barbary pirates as the good guys/repressed culture

·         Reassure al Baghdadi that America is too busy combating climate change to pose a threat to Dar al Islam

·         Force Christian bakers to cater their own beheadings

·         Put the TSA in charge of nightclub security

·         Officially recognize the Islamic Caliphate, provide them with foreign aid and recommend them for inclusion in the United Nations

·         Michelle’s new school lunch guidelines will be Halal

·         Prayer is now required in school, five times a day

·         Restore the Middle East to pre-1096 borders

·         All Syrian refugees are issued two get out of jail free cards

·         Apologize profusely for hurting their feelings by referring to them as the JV squad

·         Allow Muslim travelers to skip those pesky TSA security check points

·         The Sports Illustrated burka edition

·         Turn over Pamela Gellar and her cadre of rogue cartoonists

·         No more bacon