Friday, March 1, 2013

Horse Meat is Meat

What is it with this horse meat stuff? I mean, people are getting all upset about there being horse meat in some foods, like in Taco Bell. Why? There are way worse things a person could eat. Like dog for instance. I mean, dogs lick their own butts. And they lick other dogs' butts too. Honestly, dogs lick just about everything.

Horses? Not so much. They are generally fed very tailored meals, like hay and apples and oats and sugar cubes and the like. They spend a lot of time frolicking too. Do pigs frolic? No. They roll around in mud and smell like crap. Yet they yield some really tasty bacon and ham. Fish? Don't even get me started on fish. Chickens? Worse than fish and pigs combined. Cattle? Nasty.

Basically, all of the animals we normally eat are pretty disgusting. Horses are pretty darned clean by comparison. But we don't eat horses because they used to be a form of travel. Pretty much that's it. In our psyche, we cannot get around the idea of eating horses because western culture has determined that this is taboo. Which at one point made before the invention of automobiles. But now...not so much. Horses are reportedly tasty and also healthy to eat. Dogs are neither tasty nor healthy, and also still serve a very important role in the western family (man's best friend). So dogs are out (unless your name is Obama). But horses? Serve 'em up I say.

And while you're at it, lemme eat some dolphin. Ever read "Old Man and the Sea"? Dolphins are a sweet tasting meat without the fishy taste. So why can't we eat them? Wanna know why? It's taboo..because they are "cute". And horseys are also "cute".

Bah, says I. If it's good eats, then I don't care how cute it is. Just to prove it, I have several pounds of kangaroo in my freezer right now. Gonna make me some roo burgers. Cute?  Sure. Tasty? You betcha, mate!

I'm pretty nonplussed about this horse meat stuff. As in, not plussed, which is apparently the same as minused. So I am minused about horse meat. Basically, that means I am looking forward to my next Locos Doritos Taco and hoping it comes con caballo.


  1. I think we also have trouble eating things that think. Horses and dolphins seem to have more intelligence than say a cow or pig. Maybe that's it? I don't know. I don't eat much meat anyway.

    No, I'm not a hippie vegetarian. I just don't eat very much meat. I love fish, however. YUMMMM!

    1. If you think horses are intelligent on the level of cetaceans, I have a bridge to sell you.

      Horses are very much dumb animals. Not much smarter than cows or pigs. Actually, I would argue that of those three animals, pigs are the most intelligent. Also the most emotional (which is an indication of intelligence). Pigs are very moody. Chickens and sheep on the other hand share the same intelligence as a rock, generally. Horses and cows are about the same...just horses are "cuter".

    2. Wow. You're kind of arrogant, aren't you?

  2. I think folks have a hard time eating vertebrates that are commonly given personal names. I mean, other than Babe or maybe Arnold Ziffel, how many other flesh-and-blood pigs can you name (congresscritters and Hollywood types not included)? And besides cartoons and glue mascots, how many names of cows, or chickens? Fish? Again, not counting the likes of Nemo and Mr. Limpet.

    On the other hoof, there are many famous horses, including the racing variety and others, of course, of course.

    Among the exceptions to the rule are cetaceans, as only the names Flipper and Willy immediately come to mind, but I doubt if you'll ever see a McBlubber sandwich on the menu in the Western world.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I could go for a bag of Babe rinds right about now.

    1. It is a long-standing tradition to name steers...which we turn into beef. Actually, all kinds of cattle are commonly named. I don't think it's names that is the problem, because that burger you're eating probably came from an animal named "Buck", or "T-bone", or "Max".

    2. Actually, come to think of it, people do name pigs. There are a lot of people 'round these parts that raise pigs, and do name them, and end up eating them or selling them for slaughter.

      But pigs and cattle aren't featured in racing generally, so their names aren't well known unless they win contests. Look at any county or state fair...the winning animals always have names.

  3. That's true, but at least in Western popular culture there seem to be only a few corporeal animals that are known by "Christian" names, and are commonly kept as pets or companions.

    I was raised on a farm, did name a few critters, and agree with your assessment of the intellect of chickens and sheep.

    Porky, Foghorn Leghorn, Clarabelle, and Charlie the Tuna are what're for dinner in most of evil Anglo Saxon land.

    I'll bite Bambi if I have to, but Bullwinkle is better, and have et my fair share of Bugs Bunny as a kid.

    But I don't think I would ever be hungry enough to voluntarily order a side of Sparky, Fluffy, J. Fred Muggs, or Mr. Ed. Gun to my head, though, and I'd have to go the equine route, even if I were told that the others were tastier.