Comprehensive Firearms Reform

Today's society seems to be divided into two distinct groups regarding guns and gun control: gun grabbers and gun nuts. There are very few people who fall into the neutral "don't give a crap" category.

With the presence of so-called "assault weapons" allowing lunatics to kill large numbers of people with relative ease and the convenience of not having to reload very often. and the propensity of these lunatics to take their weapons into so-called "gun-free zones," it is obvious something needs to be done.

I have a solution.

First, I think we need to give thanks to God that lunatics like James Holmes and Adam Lanza didn't realize that, at a much smaller expense, a load of fertilizer and a few common household cleaners could have been mixed to cause a whole lot more carnage. Think about it: Timothy McVeigh killed more people by an order of magnitude with just a U-Haul truck and a trip to his local garden center. Instead of watching the story unfold at Sandy Hook Elementary, we could have been staring at a hole in the ground where the school, and all the students and teachers inside, had been.

Second, we need to realize that the Regressives in this country will not rest until guns are banned and out of the hands of every law-abiding private citizen. I'm sick of fighting this issue, and think we should give them what they want, with a twist.

I want to use components of my plan for Comprehensive Emigration Reform to enact a system that will allow the gun grabbers to grab all the guns they can grab (How many guns would a gun grabber grab if a gun grabber could grab guns? Say it three times fast!), while allowing the gun nuts (among whom number my wife, Ndnd, and I) to not only keep their weapons, but expand their arsenal as well.

What we need to do is set up a nationwide gun-free zone, with one giant zone where the ownership of firearms is encouraged, if not required. For the sake of clarity, I'll refer to the gun-free zone as Amerika, and the armed and dangerous zone as Texas. The Texas zone need not be composed solely of the actual State of Texas, but we should call it that or the Texans will get all upset. Optimally, this zone will be composed of contiguous regions, so that at least some of Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arkansas and Louisiana could be included.

Once the boundaries of the zone are determined, construction of a border wall should commence, cutting Texas off  from the rest of Amerika and, ideally, Mexico. Texans won't mind, they consider the rest of Amerika foreign territory, anyway. Ultimately, it's not to keep Texans in, anyway; It's to keep Amerikans out.

Once the border wall is completed, the U.S. government would enact the emigration plan to  allow for relocations between the two entities, providing $250,000 to each person who wants to relocate in either direction: Freedom-loving gun nuts to Texas, fascism-loving gun-grabbers to Amerika. At the border, all firearms would be taken from those heading to Amerika, and AR-15 assault rifles would be given, after a suitable background check, to all adults heading to Texas.

Once the transfer had been completed, the border wall would be sealed, and Texas would be cast out of Amerika. This might seem like a difficult feat to accomplish,  but I bet it would be much easier than it appears: democRats don't care much for Texas because it is such a deep red state,  and Republicans don't care for Texas because Texas can care for itself. Since the outflow from Texas would be largely liberal, and the inflow largely conservative, I suspect those remaining in Amerika wouldn't mind the New Texans taking the Constitution with us, as they would not be likely to use it anyway.

I know this plan is expensive, and there would be those who would say it was unaffordable, but to them I say, "It's for the children. If just one life could be saved, isn't that worth any price the Amerikan taxpayer could pay?" Our children have to live to have a future, for us to mortgage it. I bet the liberals in Amerika would sell their own grandchildren to the Chinese to get rid of the Conservatives in the nation. Those they haven't aborted, anyway.