Friday, June 28, 2013

Good Dwarves are Hard to Find

Somebody's in Trouble...

So I just received a note from Springeraz. My Newbie is doing exactly what a grandpa should...he's entertaining his sweet grandkids for a few days...
So that dwarf is gonna be off the Nuking Politics radar for a while.
That's ONE down.

So here's the deal:
Apparently, I have a dwarf shortage.

Keln. Yeah. Squawk.
Remember Keln? The yellow faced guy on the left? Yeah? I think he like started this blog or something. Like a million years ago. Well, I don't know what in the HECK happened to him, but I haven't seen him posting here in, like, maybe he died?  Or worse yet...
I saw his name on the sidebar at IMAO.
Maybe Harvey....that skunk...
He who purported to be my Bristly Baron...he who asked me to be his Empress....
He has done me wrong.
That's TWO.

Walkingdead is looking for a job. That is a noble and time consuming pursuit. It keeps him from posting here that often, which makes me sad.
That's THREE.

Hunter has been so so busy...and his posts are such masterpieces, they take months to compose...I understand his absence. But I MISS him.
That's FOUR.

Arik? Arik? Wherefore art thou Arik?
I have no idea. I haven't seen him.
That's FIVE.

And Les. Sweet Sketchy.  He has quite a bit on his plate as well. He still battles valiantly and posts whenever he can. Thank goodness. But most days...
That's SIX.

But the one that REALLY GETS ME is Lactose.
That snot Harvey. He who claimed to be MY Unshaven Usurper. MY Whiskered Warlord. MY Pileous Protector...
He took LACTOSE from me.
The Downy Dwarf-napper.
He doesn't even deny it.
HE STOLE MY DWARF. And then he...I don't know...spoiled him and gave him bacon whenever he wanted...and let him say naughty, non-family-friendly things over there...even ENCOURAGED it....He lured my Snaughty away...
And now Lactose won't post here for me anymore. POUT. :(
That's SEVEN.

What is a Disappointed, Lonely, Cookie-making Infinite Majesty Empress Kitten the First to do?


  1. Geez Anony, stop your whining. Don't you know that there is a simple solution? Duh. If you're feeling sad...the government will fix it!

  2. Skunk? I, fair despotess?

    If so, then I am Pepe LePew, all suave and a-charming:

    "Come with me to the Casbah, ma petite cherie, we shall make beautiful musicks togezzer..."

  3. The answer is obvious - commission your good Prince Harvey to dispatch his ships to the farthest corners of the kingdom, except for those ships, of course, that he has sent after the dread blogger Keln, to search for and return each of your wandering dwarves.

    1. Harvey: Ah, my dulcet darling! Tonight, we marry.
      Tomorrow morning your men will escort us to Florin Channel, where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon.

      Anony: Every ship but your four fastest, you mean.
      Anony: Every ship but the four you sent.

      Harvey: Yes. Yes of course. Naturally not those four.

  4. Or, if that fails, employ the Goon Squad...