Nuke the Punchline - Turn on the Waterworks

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig Wants to Punish 9 Players for Drug Use. If Obama Were in Charge of Baseball…

#5 rodney dill: he’d balk.

#4 KennyJ: …all they’d have to do to avoid punishment is to make a sizable donation to the Obama for Commissioner campaign fund.

#3 walruskkkch: he would mandate that teams take turns being WS Champions.

#2 Oppo: … baseball would fail to turn a profit, although there’d be a “perfectly legitimate” tax in place on not attending a baseball game.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Da**cat hereafter to be called DC:

[Just like in the movie "That Darn Cat" which stars Hayley Mills as the owner of DC (she explains it stands for "darn cat" and that this is better than what her father had been calling it)  Is that ok with you, Da**cat?]

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig Wants to Punish 9 Players for Drug Use. If Obama Were in Charge of Baseball…
there would be crying in baseball.  :)

Tuna Cookies to DC!

Hat-trick cookies to John Peden for his three lines that were so good I couldn't choose between them:

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig Wants to Punish 9 Players for Drug Use. If Obama Were in Charge of Baseball...

… we would have a national conversation on confiscating bats in the US while supplying crates and crates of them to shady teams from Mexico. Then, when an umpire is beaten to death with one of the illegally supplied bats, he would proclaim it to be a phony scandal, call you a racist, and go play golf.

… all players would be required to pay a “Health Tax” which costs more than 25% of the players make, doesn’t cover sports-related injuries, and will involuntarily retire any player over the age of 40.

… all players of sufficiently dark pigmentation would not only be allowed to take steroids but would be supplied them for free – paid for by the white players. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson would still complain because Babe Ruth is considered the greatest hitter of all time and ask for the fences to be moved in to the infield for any player being given the steroids. This arrangement would not be racist in any way.

Hat-trick Cookies to
John Peden!

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NP has another fun contest here. Harvey described it as "the most awesome picture of food that isn't bacon that I've ever seen in my life". Go give it a name...for COOKIES!! :)

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My favorite NP punchlines:

Pelosi presented President Obama with a dark chocolate cake for his birthday. Other presents...

#3 Steve H: ..an apology for choosing a racist cake flavor.

#2 Bob B:...will have to be opened to see what's in them.

My favorite line was from Rodney Dill:

Pelosi presented President Obama with a dark chocolate cake for his birthday. Other presents...a new deck of race cards.

Toffee Trifle to Rodney Dill!

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Here's a new line for you to try:

An elderly dementia patient is charged with "assault with a deadly" comb. Next to be declared deadly...