Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Percents-Off Just Got Harder

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New IRS Rule Raises Taxes on Waitress’s Tips. Next to Be Targeted…


Geez it was hard to choose today, so I had to choose 10...

#10 Bob in Feenicks: …your IRS tax refund.

#9 tinman: … the quarter your grandpa pulls out of your ear.

#8 FormerHostage: …Q-Tips.

#7 Wrymlaf:… are the… why is that drone following me?

#6 Karen: … bacon. (This will generally be referenced in future textbooks as the primary cause of the second American Civil War.)

#5 walruskkkch: …people who are tipsy.

#4 BillyDee: …children’s allowances.

#3 Bob B.: …are business travelers, who will be held to strict reporting standards for use of complimentary Continental Breakfasts at motels, inns and hotels worldwide, including cost escalators for fats and refined sugars, and a discount factor for any chicory-based beverage consumption.

#2 Dohtimes:…that voice in your head. Living there rent free doesn’t mean his taxes are imaginary too.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from  Jimmy:

A New IRS Rule Raises Taxes on Waitress’s Tips. Next to Be Targeted…50% tax on all discounts at retail stores. Hey! We’re just passing your savings on to us!

(The IRS just called… they’re offering me a job.)  [curses!]


 Cookies to Jimmy!
and today's KITCHEN full of kiss up cookies to:

A New IRS Rule Raises Taxes on Waitress’s Tips. Next to Be Targeted…

Steve H: … cookies !!!

can of spam: … cookie prizes to winners of SLotD.

walruskkkch: [as an aside GIVE UNTAXED COOKIES< OR GIVE ME DEATH!]

Jimmy: …cookies in your cookie jar. Nooooooooooooooo!

artvol11: …free lunches (NO COOKIES FOR YOU POOR KIDS)

FormerHostage: …homemade cookies (you didn’t bake that!).      [I did so!]

Dohtimes: …burnt cookies. Not only carbon calamities but crimes against humanity. 

(They better not start taxing my cookies! Stop giving them ideas!!! :)

Kiss up cookies to Steve H,
can of spam, walruskkkch,
 Jimmy, artvol11, 
Former Hostage & Dohtimes!
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If you're as confused about Syria as I am, my dwarves have you covered. Go to Nuking Politics and in the sidebar under "Categories" click on the label "Syria". (Or you could just click the link on the word Syria there :) Or here. :P

Go and make a suggestion for the title of our new Bored Fusion 15: Covers Covered. Wink :)


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My favorite NP punchlines:


John Kerry has issued an ultimatum to Assad: Turn in Chemical weapons in one week or America will launch "an unbelievably small and limited effort" to punish him. Huh. When that doesn't work...

#3 Bob in Feenicks :...a strongly worded letter. Well, not too strongly worded, we don't want to hurt his feelings.

#2 Oppo :... "we will fight them [as long as they're] on the beaches."

My favorite line was from HokieGomer:

John Kerry has issued an ultimatum to Assad: Turn in Chemical weapons in one week or America will launch "an unbelievably small and limited effort" to punish him. Huh. When that doesn't work...Kerry will claim a battle sustained paper cut and put himself in for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

or...

try bribing him with cookies  Kiss up cookies to Bob in Feenicks!

Toffee Trifle to HokieGomer
and Bob in Feenicks!
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Here's a new line for you to try:



Jeb Bush will award Hillary Clinton the "Liberty Medal" on the eve of the Benghazi Anniversary. The next award...

11 comments:

  1. ...will be given jointly to Huma Abadin and Hillary Clinton, the Tammy Wynette Memorial Stand By Your Man Award

    ReplyDelete
  2. Exaggerating your Husband's package award.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Will be the memorial wreath commemorating the death of Jeb's political career.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...will be a stack of homemade cookies from Annoymiss to HokieGomer! (hey, if self promotion can work for Kerry, it can work for me!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. ...will go to Hitler, because after experiencing the Clintons we can be pretty sure Hitler wasn't worse than Hitler.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ... will go to the Ancient Roman Empire on the eve of Good Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Will be the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn quick button, but that would be me above, not the former President.

      Delete
  8. ...Detroit for the "Best Run City"

    ReplyDelete
  9. ...won't be given out because, at this point, what difference does it make?

    ReplyDelete