Tonight's Syria Speech Today

Using my handy-dandy time machine, I went to later tonight,and pre-reviewed the President's speech on Syria, so you don't have to.

I have brought back some quotes for you.

First, he started off pretty much the same as he starts ever speech: With inane platitudes and clichés.

He then reiterated that "The World" had set the "red line," not him.

The, in his capacity as "Citizen of the World," he called for repercussions for Syrian use of chemical weapons.

He lamented the "lost youth" of the Syrians, killed in the chemical attack to tug at the heartstrings.

Then called for the U.S. military to save "the Cheeeeeldren."

In the end, there was only Russian President Vladimir Putin to respond.

And now you know everything you need to know, with no reason to actually watch the speech.