Monday, November 18, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - 31...Make that 32 Flavors

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New Report Shows Americans Are 34 Times More Interested In Buying Guns Than Obamacare. Also More Popular Than Obamacare…


Honorable mention to blarg: …the Affordable Care Act [because unlike Obamacare, it's affordable :P]

#5 can of spam:… the Bob Dole, John McCain, and Mitt Romney book titled “How To Win an Election”

#4 FormerHostage:…A nice paper cut. Maybe you’d like to pour some lemon juice on it?

#3 Ernie Loco:…Backtalking Chuck Norris.

#2 Fly:...actual Nazis, but only if they sing. Obamacare is still preferred to non-singing Nazis.

And my favorite straight lines of the day were from rodney dill:

A New Report Shows Americans Are 34 Times More Interested In Buying Guns Than Obamacare. Also More Popular Than Obamacare...Dill’s walnut cookie hair – The least popular Baskin Robbins flavor.

 Cookies to rodney dill!

and today's best kiss uppers were rodney dill, Mrs. Campbell, walruskkkch, Jimmy, HokieGomer, FormerHostage, and RAML:

A New Report Shows Americans Are 34 Times More Interested In Buying Guns Than Obamacare. Also More Popular Than Obamacare…

rodney dill:…Anonymiss’s cookies… goes without saying. 
…walnuts in cookies… but only by a hair.

Mrs. Campbell: …Oatmeal raisin cookies. 

walruskkkch:…by a wide margin and without gainsaying, Anonymiss cookies. 

Jimmy: …cookies with walnuts!

HokieGomer:…are those nasty cookies made by elves living in trees. We will not even mention Anonymiss’s cookies because they are even more popular than buying guns!

Former Hostage: …Oreos. 

RAML:…Finding Anonymiss cookies to feed oneself.

Kiss up Cookies to rodney dill,
Mrs. Campbell, walruskkkch,
Jimmy, HokieGomer, 
FormerHostage and RAML!
____________________

My favorite line yesterday was from walruskkkch:


Governor Christie is half-way to his weight loss goal. Also half-way...to either party's 2016 Nomination.


Cookies to walruskkkch!
____________________

Here's a new line for you to try:

(haha I almost left the Gov Christie pic here by accident :)

The entertainers on floats in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade had to be switched due to political incompatibilities. Other switches...

21 comments:

  1. ...will be used to flog Alec Baldwin about the head and shoulders.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ... will be swatting the bottoms of the people who designed HealthCare.Gov

    ReplyDelete
  3. ... include swapping The Grinch in for Santa on the Obamacare float.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ... including replacing the fine coffee the viewers normally watch with Folger's Instant Crystals.

    (Really, REALLY, old reference there...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Type, proofread, then post. Not type, post, then proofread.

      *bangs head on keyboard* jhdhsjkfhuippefhfdhjkldhheri

      Delete
    2. The scary part is that I got that reference...so it COULDN'T be that old, right?? :P

      And I don't even drink coffee.

      Delete
    3. ...I think it was the 'normally watch' vs. 'normally drink' part that caused his consternation.

      Delete
    4. Haha I know...

      I don't drink coffee...but I guess I could try watching it :P

      Delete
    5. Actually, I remember that particular ad campaign best via an old SNL fake commercial: "we've replaced the fine blood normally served by this hospital with Folger's...", complete with patients showing deep brown vein trackmarks and bouncing off the walls.

      Delete
    6. I mostly remember this old geek joke.
      "We've secretly replaced the Enterprise's Dilithium with Folgers Crystals, lets see how long it takes Scotty to notice."

      Delete
    7. ...today we've replaced the fine coffee the viewers normally drink with angry wolverines... let's see if anyone notices.

      Delete
  5. ...include a new and improved Rockette line that is generously sprinkled with LGBT participants.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ... include moving the television broadcast to Lifetime, because the only people who watch the Macy's parade are over-emotional white women anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What??

      Of course *I* don't watch the parade...I promise. I really totally don't...well...usually...

      I don't watch Lifetime either. I don't even have cable.

      I know. Not a lot of excitement in Life d'Anonymiss :)

      Delete
    2. Watching cable is like having a sewer line that empties into the top of your favorite living room chair.

      Delete
  7. ... include replacing the giant balloons with unmanned drones.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ...the Benghazi memorial float which got covered up and would have been switched to something else, but at this point what does it matter what to.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Obama off the Turkey float, NYC requires only one flying turkey at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Other switches... include numerous Broadway actors/actresses and their new opposite-gender significant others.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ...include military marching bands changed into unicorns and rainbows.

    ...includes renaming "Thanksgiving" as "November Stimulus Day", celebrated at malls across America.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ...will be the entire Thanksgiving Parade for the Russian May Day Parade, for the same reasons.

    ReplyDelete