Thursday, November 21, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Story Problems are HARD

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New Report Shows the Goverment Makes a New Regulation Every 2.5 Hours. And Every 1.5 Hours…


#5 blarg: …the Federal government spends more money than most people make in a lifetime

#4 Bob B.:…an Obama crony gets a waiver.

#3 Dohtimes:…10 laws are passed to enforce and tax the last bunch of regulations..

#2 Oppo:… 18-hour bras get 1/12th closer to catastrophic failure (Obamacaric, for short).

And my favorite straight lines of the day were from can of spam:

A New Report Shows the Goverment Makes a New Regulation Every 2.5 Hours. And Every 1.5 Hours… a train leaves for Chicago to New York at 70 MPH while another leaves from New York to Chicago at 65 MPH. At what point will a new regulation cause any of the passengers on either train to become an instant felon?

 Cookies to can of spam!

and today's best kiss uppers were can of spam, walruskkkch, Dohtimes and RAML:

A New Report Shows the Goverment Makes a New Regulation Every 2.5 Hours. And Every 1.5 Hours…

can of spam: … Anonymiss bakes about six batches of cookies. [That's about right. :)]

walruskkkch: ...I need an Anonymiss cookie fix! [Sounds like you need a 12 step program :P ]

Dohtimes: …a cookie eater gets his zings. [I have no idea what that means...]

RAML: …a cookie crumbles [:(]


Kiss up Cookies to can of spam,
walruskkkch, Dohtimes 
and RAML!
____________________

My favorite line yesterday was from can of spam:

George P. Bush, nephew and grandson to previous U.S. presidents, is running for office in Texas. Why do they name them all George?... because they keep using the same hand-me-down Presidency for all of them.


can of spam also managed to win my vote for best Monty Python sketch   [Anonymiss: probably because it *was* my original pick!  
Unny: no it wasn't :P]

can of spam: As for your python pick, no, it isn't.

not can of spam: Yes, it is!

can of spam: No, it isn't.

Bob B.: An argument isn't just contradiction.

not can of spam: It can be.

can of spam: No, no, no. An argument is a logical presentation of facts designed to produce a change in opinion. Just saying "no, it isn't" is just the automatic gainsay of whatever the other person said.

not can of spam:* ding *

I'm sorry, time's up. I'm not allowed to argue anymore.


Kiss Up Cookies to can of spam:

"Look. What I want from you is a straight line of the day with no trampoline acts, no mariachi bands, no walnuts. Just twelve cookies and one punchline."

"ONE?"

"Yes, one! What in G**'s name possessed you to post this 'you've been judged' with THREE punchlines?"

"It WORKS, mate! The anecdote balances out the two silly puns!"

 
Cookies to can of spam,
Cooperation Cookies to Bob B.
and Kiss Up Cookies to can of spam!

[I think can of spam may have broken the All Time One Day Cookie Record! :) And there was much rejoicing!]
____________________

Here's a new line for you to try:

(credit: Walt Hunter/CBS3)

In Philadelphia, a man stole a FedEx truck and clipped several parked cars as the police chased him. Why did he want a FedEx truck?

13 comments:

  1. When you absolutely, positively have to do time...

    ReplyDelete
  2. way, way, WAY obsessed with Tom Hanks:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJvosb4UCLs

    ReplyDelete
  3. He thought it was a Federal Exempt truck.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Guaranteed delivery...to a holding cell.

    ReplyDelete
  5. He wanted to show his buddies at his former job (UPS) that he was making it to the big time.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Former USPS mail carrier, making a break for it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ...to run over that #%*&ing chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "[I think can of spam may have broken the All Time One Day Cookie Record! :) And there was much rejoicing!]"

    And considerable bloating.

    *burp*

    Excuse me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what you get for not sharing with me!

      Delete
    2. Apparently, "Baked beans are off!"

      Delete
    3. Actually, that probably would have been a better time for a "wafer-thin mint" reference.

      Delete
    4. Not when you're going for a "Spam Spam Spam Spam, Can of Spam, wonderful Spam" kind of thing...with an egg on top.

      Delete
  9. "Why did he want a FedEx truck?"

    Because the steamroller would too slow and easy to spot.

    Because he wanted to study it to make a prototype FedWhy truck.

    Because he was trying to hijack a massive shipment of cookies to can of spam. [By the way, does walruskkkch have an alibi?]

    ReplyDelete