Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Penny for your Thoughts

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

DC is now the fastest growing region of “1 percenters” in the country. Also growing in DC…

#5 blarg: …IRS’s list of conservatives to audit

#4 Bob in Feenicks:…chair sizes in the Oval Office in anticipation of Chris Christie’s election in 2016.

#3 Karen.:… Scientists have yet to determine, but they have managed to rule out awareness.

#2 Dohtimes:…the number of dictionaries on the book burning pile.

And my favorite straight lines of the day were from Oppo:

DC is now the fastest growing region of “1 percenters” in the country. Also growing in DC… the desire to turn the rest of the country into “one centers.”

 Cookies to Oppo!

and today's best kiss uppers were  walruskkkch, Bob B., FormerHostage, E Pluribus Unum and James:

DC is now the fastest growing region of “1 percenters” in the country. Also growing in DC…

walruskkkch:…the knowledge that they will never possess Anonymiss cookies, EVAH! [not a crumb :)]

Bob B.: ...a hunger for goodness, satisfied only by Anonymiss cookies. [Awwwww :)]

FormerHostage: …the (cookies) number of (cookies) Anonymiss suck ups (cookies) who would stuff (cookies) a cookie (cookies) reference any(cookies)where in order to (cookies) get a mention….cookies. [hee hee hee]

E Pluribus Unum: ..the hue and cry for even more and better benefits on those gummint jobs. Most notably, no more store-bought cookies, but instead……yes, you guessed it….. Special Magical Chocolate Chip Cookies, Homemade and Kissed by Anonymiss Love…… [which of course she would never, ever provide for stinking gummint bureaucrats]!  [of COURSE not!]

James: ...Demand for chocolate chips. [I suggest stockpiling. This is the time of year to do it, too :P ]

Kiss up Cookies to walruskkkch,
Bob B., FormerHostage,
E Pluribus Unum and James!

My favorite line yesterday was from Steve H:

Monty Python is reuniting for their first show together in 30 years. My favorite [clean] Monty Python bit..."I'd like to start an argument". [If, however, you think the sketch *you* suggested was better, feel free to argue your point in the comments. Just be sure to use Monty Python language :) I'll choose another favorite tomorrow]

Kiss Up Cookies to Bob B. for finding a Monty Python cookie cutter! His original link didn't work, though. His explanation: But they assured me that link would work on day one with no problems!(What is this I and T thing they speak of?) I still stand by my statement that if you like your cookie, you can keep it.

Cookies to Steve H and 
Kiss Up Cookies to Bob B.!

Here's a new line for you to try:

George P. Bush, nephew and grandson to previous U.S. presidents, is running for office in Texas. Why do they name them all George?


  1. Because George lives a life that's free, and is a friend to you and me!

    They are hoping, politically, we will "let George do it".

    (I chose my Python sketch out of thousands - the others were all too flat - say no more!)

  2. It was a requirement in the fine print of the extended warranty on their George Foreman grill. Caveat Emptor!

    And you are completely wrong on your Python pick! There you go, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist!

    (reference link:

  3. Because naming them Georgette would be too leftist.

  4. ... because they keep using the same hand-me-down Presidency for all of them.

    As for your python pick, no, it isn't.

    1. Yes, it is!

    2. An argument isn't just contradiction.

    3. It can be.

    4. No, no, no. An argument is a logical presentation of facts designed to produce a change in opinion. Just saying "no, it isn't" is just the automatic gainsay of whatever the other person said.

    5. * ding *

      I'm sorry, time's up. I'm not allowed to argue anymore.

  5. Pretty nice website you got here. Be a shame if someone were to set fire to it.

  6. Oh, you want a CLEAN Python sketch. You should have said so.

    Now for something completely different:

    Or if you are the alter ego of Kathleen Sibelius:

    HHS exhibits four weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to . . . Barack somebody.

  7. "Look. What I want from you is a straight line of the day with no trampoline acts, no mariachi bands, no walnuts. Just twelve cookies and one punchline."


    "Yes, one! What in God's name possessed you to post this 'you've been judged' with THREE punchlines?"

    "It WORKS, mate! The anecdote balances out the two silly puns!"

  8. Eruditio latin est optimus.

    Now write that 100 times before dawn or I'll cut yer balls off!

  9. ...because the official baby namer for the Bush family is a guy named Lennie who has a thing for rabbits.

  10. The eldest George's wife always looks at the baby and says "Isn't he gorgeous, George?" and nobody wants to start an argument.

  11. ... Because the first George Bush didn't want to be known as a RINO, so he decided to be a hip eponymous.

    ... Because the original George Bush said "Read my lips: no new taxis!" *

    *tax•is (ˈtæk sɪs) : n., (pl. tax•es)
    1. arrangement or order
    from Greek "táxis," derivative of "tássein," to arrange.

  12. Why do they name them all George?
    Because all of the baby clothes have the name George embroidered on them already, silly.

  13. To prove your Python pick is correct you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with...a herring!