Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Obamacare: We Speak YOUR Language

Received this in the mail today trying to convince me to sign up for Obamacare. It helpfully pointed out "Open enrollment for the Marketplace ends on March 31, 2014, so confirm your information and choose a health plan before then." My letter was dated April 2. Huh. But when I saw the last page, I was outraged. OUTRAGED, I tell you. Obamacare is CLEARLY discriminatory. It says that if you have questions, like mine: "When can I expect delivery of the time machine?" you can only get help in these languages:

But wait! There's more!

I'm still in shock. I can't believe they left out these:

  1. Elvish and Klingon. Geez.. Aren't nerds cool enough for their health insurance? 
  2. Ebonics. It's a good thing Hillary is exempt.
  3. Whale. Ellen DeGeneres and her type will be SO MAD.
  4. Fortran. It makes me cry to think of all of those sad old uninsured computers.
  5. Jive
  6. Latin. What happens if I bring Leonardo DaVinci back in my time machine? What THEN?
  7. Also, Pig-Latin.
  8. Southern Drawl. Paula Deen should sue.
  9. Greek.
  10. Hebrew. Oh yeah. I guess it is OK to discriminate against THOSE people. Popular people have been getting away with it for years.
What other languages did they forget?


  1. 1. Yiddish
    2. Pidgin-English
    3. Spanglish
    4. Cookie, the language of incentivized love...

  2. The international language

  3. No Esperanto?

    Mi koleras!

  4. A mathematical language: 2 + 2 = 5.

    A patois. In which the "p" is pronounced as an "f."

    Don't worry: Santa speaks the language of all children.

    A dead language, like Latin, to better communicate with Death Panels (which speak a DIEalect).

    A Romance language, as in "romance is dead," to better communicate with Death Panels.

  5. Middle English, Classical English, or Middle-Classical English.

  6. Um...

    A 2010 U.S. Census report I just googled claimed there werd 303 languages other than English spoken at home.

    Why aren't they all offered as a translation for Obamacare? Is he racist? Is this a war on Sioux women? Let's get Eliz. Warren to weigh in with her opinion.

  7. But all the phone numbers are in Arabic!

  8. Navajo?



  9. Op, so that Amy Farrah Fowler is not left out.

  10. Aramaic, since Jesus demanded that the Romans provide free health care. Or at least that's what Al Sharpton told me.