Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Venus Threatens the Planet Earth

Right now, as of this posting, the evil planet Venus is threatening the Earth by inappropriately crossing between us and our most important energy source, the Sun. This is far more insidious than any threat the Moon as posed to us. This could be considered an act of war by Venus, and is being closely tracked right now by NASA. Our strategic defense is nervously hovering over the big red buttons that launch our nuclear weapons, and have aimed them towards the evil, backwards planet, waiting on word from our dear Glorious Leader, President Obama to give the word to retaliate. Unfortunately, the President is reported to be too preoccupied with writing his next 10-word twitter in support of Mayor Barrett in Wisconsin to make a decision on the Earth-Venus conflict. If the President does not make a decision now, he will have to wait another 105 years for another shot at Venus, which will be just in time for the then robot President's 28th election. Stay tuned for updates.

If you are wanting to see the Venus transit, and you aren't in a clouded area like I unfortunately am, then use solar glasses, #14 welding glasses, a pinhole viewer, or a telescope with a solar lens outside of the aperture, not in the eyepiece.If you have a refracting telescope, you can construct a Solar Funnel out of rather simple components. Google it.


Venus is now on the retreat, backing away from its crossing of the Sun. We aren't entirely sure what caused this reversal in its evil schemes, but it is leaving the Sun right now. I suspect it must have been by intervention of some super hero...possibly Aquaman or Captain Canada...that convinced Venus to abandon its wicked plan, probably with some witty remark like "I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling weirdos in tights". I base this hypothesis on the fact that we didn't nuke Venus...because the President was busy...tweeting.

Feel free to comment below. Please keep it civil and respect my no-cussin' policy.

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