Saturday, March 15, 2014

A $3 Investment That Could Make All The Difference

Somebody sent me a copy of this email they got from Obama…he's asking for $3 to help combat those evil conservatives.
Friend --
The top Republican in the House said Americans should judge them not on how many laws they pass, but on how many they repeal.
The top Republican in the Senate said his top priority wasn't to create jobs or expand opportunity, but to beat me. 
I want to work with Congress wherever I can to do the job the American people sent us here to do -- but it turns out Republicans and Democrats have some very different ideas about what that means. 
Let me level with you: The only way we're going to achieve our goals is by electing more Democrats in 2014. 
Chip in $3 or more to help elect Democrats to a Congress we can all be proud of:
Barack Obama

When I got through laughing, I came up with a short list of things I would do with $3 before I gave it to him.
In no particular order:

1.  Buy a laugh track from these people, and send it to Obama to listen to. This will help him prepare for meetings with foreign leaders.

2.  Buy a used copy of "The Idiot's Guide To: How Not To Be Such A Spectacular Moron, For Dummies", and send it to Sheila Jackson Lee.

3.  Roll it up and smoke it.

4.  Find a $3 dollar rowboat at a junk sale somewhere.  Put Al Gore in it and give him a map to Antarctica.  Tell him there are some bad people there who are deliberately melting all the ice. 

5.  Buy 3 lottery tickets.  If I win, all the money will go to pay for Michelle's next vacation.  Only catch is:  I get to say where she goes, and when she comes back.

6.  Make 3 little origami sculptures of duckies and bunnies to keep Joe Biden busy.

7.  Buy a copy of the New York Times and wrap a fish in it.

8.  Get 300 shiny new pennies.  Tape them to 3X5 cards, and mail them to the IRS one at a time.  Tell them they're for Lois Lerner's defense fund.

9.  Start a fund for emergency Botox treatments for John Kerry.

10.  Give Harry Reid $3 for bus fare so he can make it to the Annual Liars Club Conference, to be the keynote speaker.

Got any ideas you'd like to add?  If so, put 'em in the comments.  We'll pick the best one, and if it's doable,  I'll make an honest effort to do it.  For real.  (But no matter what, I ain't gonna roll up $3 and smoke it.)  I'll make a full report about the outcome here later.  Have fun.   


  1. i'd give obama a quarter and tell him, "here. go to walmart. buy a clue." repeat as necessary.

    1. Hahaha I misread that as "walnut" and thought, "hey, that doesn't make any sense!"

      But it's true, Walmart and walnuts are on about the same level in
      my book...

      Geez. I need more sleep. Don't mind me.

    2. What's wrong with Walmart? I've had friends and family work at Walmart- competitive pay, elective healthcare, profit sharing, in-house promoting... You won't likely get rich working for them, but if you work hard, you can make a nice living.

      And the prices are lower than pretty much anywhere else, including on groceries, which is important for poor people like me who have to work two jobs just to make end not get farther apart so quickly.

    3. i agree. i like walnuts, too.

  2. Use it as postage to mail burnt out CFLs to Nancy, Harry and Barry.

  3. considering that you felt justified in walnuting walmart, i would point out to you that the cfl law was passed in 2007. Bush signed it. Barry voted for it as a senator, but W signed it.

    1. I didn't walnut Walmart. And I certainly won't try to defend everything Bush did as President, but I'd take W. any day to that unHoly Triumvirate.

    2. my mistake. i misread anonymous for anonymiss. she walnuted walmart. fair as she misread me to start it all. history will be kinder to W than Bo. i agree.

  4. Combine the three into one bill to show your solidarity with the homosexual community.

  5. Mark them "Benghazi," "IRS Targeting," and "AP Wiretapping," and mail them to Obama, because those bucks stop with him. Buy a lot more bills, because you're going to need them as reminders for him.

  6. It's a joke people.

    1. What's a joke? The Obama Administration?

      I concur completely.

  7. Take the $3 dollars, go to Walmart and purchase a pack of paper, a pen and some envelopes. Use the pen to write on the paper " I owe you $3 dollars" until you run out of paper or envelopes. Mail the IOU's to the address on the email.

  8. Photoshop a $3 bill with Obama's image and send that along.