Sunday, July 1, 2012

Reader Submission: How to Tell You are a Racist

 Another reader submission, this time from Chrisjohnbone:

How to tell if you’re a racist in 3 easy steps

It’s come to my attention that I am a racist.  I tried to deny it for years, but since I started watching MSNBC a while ago (it’s because I like getting angry and throwing things.) I found out that I am in fact a racist.  I’m sure millions of conservatives around the country, and smarter parts of Canada need to realize they are too.  So I wrote this handy dandy guide.

All you need too do is ask yourself 3 questions.

#1 Did you vote for Obama?

If you answered yes, but only because he’s black then you are fine. We all know it was more important to vote in the first black president than to put the country back on track. A hundred years from now when our shattered republic struggles to hold on to the new England states and half of Florida because the rest of the country was ravaged by a civil nuclear war, our mutant great, great grandchildren can look back at the remnants of a history book and say, “thank God we got that one out of the way”. 

However, if you decided not to vote for Obama because you didn’t like his policies and you thought maybe a more socialistic approach to the country’s problems wasn’t going to fix anything (and boy were you wrong), then yes, you are a racist. No need to continue, but please do anyway. I did take the time to write this and you read this far, so why not continue?

#2 Do you call it Obamacare, or the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act?

If you said Obamacare then you are a racist. Unless you are one of the commentators or hosts of an MSNBC show. We all know they fell in to that racist trap and were just tricked in to saying that because of how evil and corrupting conservatives are. Never mind that they tried to do a similar brand to Mitt with “Romneycare”. That can’t possibly racist because, well Al Sharpton says it, and we all know he can’t be racist. Just ask Tawana Brawley.

However, if you call it the affordable care act, and are a conservative…you're still a racist.

#3 Do you hate minorities, and or people who don’t look like you if you are one?

There is a good chance that you are in fact a racist. We all know that blanket statements against a group of people are wrong, and show your prejudice. Some uses of said blanket statements are:
You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking." –Joe Biden

Arab men have a sense of “entitlement.” –Bill Maher

Blacks and Hispanics are "too busy eating watermelons and tacos" to learn how to read and write." -- Mike Wallace,

And there you have it. 3 examples of racist blanket statements by conserva… wait.  Ok, so those weren’t conservatives. They are liberals. Well then I guess in that case it’s not racist at all. We all know that liberals can’t be racist. I mean look at all the things they have done for minorities over the years. Like…  uuuummmm?  Ok I’m drawing a bit of a blank on this one, but at least not all of them voted against the civil rights act of 64. Only 39% did. 


  1. It is amazing to me how you conservatives understand so little about satire, irony and the subtleties of humor. You want humor, Check out Lenny Bruce! Now, there was a guy!
    Bill Maher! John Stewart! Mika Brezhzinski! Rimsky Korsikoff! Secretariat! Rocky & Bullwinkle, (or at least Sherman & Mr. Peabody!) Now, these were, or are humorists! You can tell by their really big ratings and overblown opinions of themselves.

    1. All rants, even sarcastic ones, should end in "Good day, sir!", for bonus points.

    2. I tend to think sir is only ok when it is someone who is actually better than you. or if you are in retail and servicing a customer.

      if you are meeting a man for the first time, and you are dating his daughter, sir is ok then as well.

      I actually keep a sir jar in my living room. any time I say sir and its not in those situations I put a dollar in it.

  2. Teabag MORON!Methinks thou doth protest too much!

  3. This site needs an alternative view! Especially when one considers the source of the blog.The author hasn't enough life experience to expound on such topics and only parrots Right Wing Hacks he has heard or read along the way. Nothing original here.