Monday, August 6, 2012

Nuke the Punchline: Obama Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

The Obama campaign's fundraising emails keep getting weirder...

#5 Mrs. C: ...It says if we can help him raise $10K, there is a prince in Nigera who will donate $10M!

#4 Yosoff: ...Donate $250 or more today and receive an Obama action figure, complete with bowing and golf-swing actions, also includes the all new super-spender utility wallet! Take away his teleprompter attachment and listen to him say the President’s famous catch-phrases such as; “It’s dinner time, where’s Bo?”, “The economy is doing fine.”, “We had a plan and it worked.”, and that classic “You didn’t build that.”. Donate today! Please! (Seriously, the campaign is practically broke and we really, really need the money.) Forward!!

#3 Myxmaster: ...the first said, “Give us five bucks or we eat this puppy”...

#2 D***Cat: ...the lastest included the disturbing lines “Nice dog you have there. Be a shame if someone ate it.”

And the best punchline goes to blarg:

GOOD DAY;

COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY TOGETHER WITH YOUR FAMILY, THIS IS TO CONFIRM THE RECEIPT OF ORDER FROM THE FEDERAL MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND COMMITTEE DATED 25 / 4 / 2012.

IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE AND HONOR TO INFORM YOU THAT WE RECEIVED EXPRESSMANDATE AND INSTRUCTIONS FROM MR.PRESIDENT, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA (FRK) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF KENYA TOGETHER WITH THE FEDERAL MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND COMMITTEE TO COMMENCE THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF
YOUR ENTITLEMENT FUNDS THROUGH THIS MEDIUM OF MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER FOR EASY CONFIRMATION AND YOU SHOULD BE INFORMED THAT THROUGH THIS MEDIUM OF MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER THAT YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE RECEIVING $4,500,000.00 USD ONLY PER DAY UNTIL YOUR TOTAL FUNDS IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERRED TO YOU.

HOWEVER; THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER WISH’S TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FIRST INSTALLMENT PAYMENT SUM OF ($4,500,000.00 USD) HAS BEING SENT IN YOUR ADDRESS THIS MORNING BUT THE PAYMENT HAS PLACE ON HOLD BECAUSE YOU DID NOT FULFILLED OUR RULES AND REGULATION UNDER FOREGOING TRANSACTION.

ACCORDING TO OUR FOREGOING TRANSACTION STRATEGY THE TRANSACTION WILL COST YOU SUM OF $250.00 FOR THE SIGNING AND STAMPING FEE OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE, PLEASE CALL ME WITHIN THIS IMMEDIATELY OK.

1) STAMP FEE $150.00
2) SIGN FEE $100.00
3) TOTAL SUM OF $250USD ONLY

SO MY DEAR IN YOUR BEST INTEREST, WE HEREBY ADVISED YOU TO USE BELOW INFORMATION AND SEND THE STAMP AND SIGN FEE IMMEDIATELY THROUGH WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER TO BARACK OBAMA REELECTION CAMPAIGN SO THAT WE CAN BE ABLE TO RELEASE THE FIRST $4.500.000 USD FOR YOU TODAY.
BELOW ARE THE RECEIVER DETAILS,

RECEIVER NAME / MR. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA REELECTION CAMPAIGN (BHORC).
TEXT QUESTION / HOW
ANSWER / LONG
COUNTRY / KENYA
CITY / MACHACOS
AMOUNT / $250.00 ONLY

BE RE-ASSURED OF THIS MONEY GRAM INTEGRITY AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY. THIS IS COMPLETELY FREE-RISK. THANKS,
I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPOND.

REGARDS

MR.BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
MANAGER FOREIGN OPERATION
PHONE NUMBER: +312-698-3670
ADDRESS = P.O. Box 802798, Chicago, IL 60680 or 5TH SHACK ON THE LEFT, SMELLY NAIROBI SLUM, KENYA

Congratulations blarg!

Now here's a line for you guys to play around with:

Joe Biden has a new hobby.

7 comments:

  1. collecting taken-away-from-Hispanics silverware

    ReplyDelete
  2. Driving Curiosity Rover on Mars...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Taking his brain out and playing with it. Oh, wait!

    Ogrrre

    ReplyDelete
  4. counting his marble.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Looking for a village that has lost their idiot

    ReplyDelete
  6. The nice tall man gave him a ball to bounce . . . he'll get it any day now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M54rv3hfIkc

    ReplyDelete
  7. Reading the Constitution

    ReplyDelete