Monday, October 8, 2012

Mitt Couldn't Have Beaten Obama on His Own

Obama got creamed in the debate by the largest margin ever recorded.  A 52 point spread, however that is scored. So, naturally, it can’t be Mitt’s fault that he won.  The New Yorker reports the excuses given by Obama’s closest associates explaining why the One lost the debate. He’s just too cool, perfect, etc. to win.  Hogwash!  I think these are much more likely excuses for his loss.
·         His handkerchief wasn’t magic.
·         He was worried if he won the debate, he may have given Chris Matthews a fatal tingle.  He just couldn’t live with that.
·         He was under the impression he would be able to debate in his native Kenyan, so he hadn’t practiced in English.
·         He was still so mad about the anti-muslim youtube video, he couldn’t focus.
·         He was planning on throwing the first two debates so he could dramatically knock out Mitt in the final one. 
·         His empty chair cancelled at the last minute, so he had to engage in the debate himself.
·         He prepared to debate the economy by having Biden drill him on the rules to Monopoly, but it was an outdated version from the 60s.
·         Debates are inherently racist.
·         The Chicago mob ordered him to take a dive.
·         He was too distracted looking forward to anniversary alone time with Michelle.  She had promised Sasquatch/Klingon roleplaying.
·         He felt in his heart that we aren’t worthy of having him for another 4 years.

1 comment:

  1. the scoring is easy.

    first they take the number of words spoken by each candidate, then they divide that by the number of touchdowns scored in an average NFL game, but they also use college (division 3 only) football to give the NFL games weight.

    soon after they send 3 messenger pigeons out toward Moridore with specific instructions.

    2 days later the instructions come back by way of telegram and from that they get the score.

    it really couldn't be simpler.