Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Nuke the Punchline: Surprising Feinstein Control Bill

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

The most surprising thing in Feinstein's gun control bill...

#7 CTCompromise: ...was the provision that all assault rifles will be deported to Mexico by the Attorney General.

#6 D***Cat: ...is a ban on the “Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time”. It’s banning is the result of lobbying efforts by The National Optometrists Association.

#5 Oppo: ...were all the bullet points.

#4 G Fresh: ...was that all future action films will be required to solve the differences between the (relative) good guy and the (misunderstood) bad guy with a conflict negotiator sidekick. “Do you feel like hashing out our differences in a government approved mediation session, punk—er citizen?”

#3 Rodney Dill: ...Due to a typeo each gun may carry no more 7 partridges.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: ...all guns are required to have bullet counters so you will always know if you’ve fired six shots or only five.

And the best punchline goes to Max:

The Most Surprising Thing In Feinstein’s Gun Control Bill…is that it did not tell anyone how to control a gun by way of legislation such as : “First shalt thou load thy magazines and shalt thou load ten rounds, no more, no less. Ten shall be the number thou shalt load, and the number of the loading shall be ten. Eleven shalt thou not load, neither load thou nine excepting that thou then proceed to Ten. Thirty is right out. Once the number ten, being the tenth number, be reached, then release thou thy safety, assumeth the proper firing stance, aimeht towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.” 

Congratulations Max!


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from Bob in Feenicks:

With Hillary positioning for 2016, Joe Biden is starting a rumor she had an affair with Bill Clinton.

Congratulations Bob!


Now here is a line for you guys to have fun with:

Obama's next interview will be with...


  1. ...conducted by the Akron Racers.

  2. ...a board, a cloth, and a bucket of water, if there's any justice in the world.

  3. ...Manti Te'o's girlfriend.

  4. Matt Damon.... after what he did to Jimmy Kimmel we can only hope.

  5. Heh, I didn't see Max's winning entry until it was here, I'd already almost duplicated it in the next (skeet shooting) straightline.

    1. Yeah, I enjoyed your rendition as well. But your SEAL team 6 punchline was even better.

  6. Heh, I didn't see Max's winning entry until it was here, I'd already almost duplicated it in the next (skeet shooting) straightline.

  7. ...Lucy van Pelt, if he can borrow the five cents. I'm sorry, I meant if he can start up a government agency to borrow and administer the five cents. But anyhow, he is gonna lick that spending addiction no matter how much it costs.