Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Nuke the Punchline: A Threefer!

Since I got sidelined this week by a rather nasty illness, I fell behind on Nuke the Punchline by about three days. So here is my attempt to make up for it by doing all three in one post. And by "make up for it" I mean slap it together and hope it flies...


From Friday's straight line:

After being awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton...

#5 blarg: ...won the Nobel Peace Prize.

#4 g: ...did like every other day, asked all the women he met “who’s your daddy?”

#3 Writer: ...began looking for more “mothers”.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: ...thought about it for a moment then said, “Ah! You must be referring to Chelsea!”

And the best punchline goes to Mr. D:

After being awarded Father of the Year, Bill Clinton celebrated by taking Chelsea’s best friend out for drink. 

Congratulations Mr D!


From Monday's straight line:

At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand…

#5 FormerHostage: your pocket.

#4 g: ...on his putter, a virtual hand will take the oath of office.

#3 CTCompromise: ...on two Bibles, because all REAL liars say they “will swear on a stack of Bibles”.

#2 Ernie Loco: ...up the skirt of some random intern. Oh wait, sorry, that’s what Bill Clinton will be doing.

And the best punchline goes to Apostic:

At his inauguration, instead of a Bible, Obama will put his hand...on your wallet. 

Congratulations Apostic!


From Tuesday's straight line:

Why did the gun cross the road?

#5 g: ...because Eric Holder sent it there.

#4 Rodney Dill: ...To get to the blunderbuss stop.

#3 NoMoBama: ...That’s where the bar was and he wanted to get loaded.

#2 Bob Wheeler: ...To get a-round.

And the best punchline goes to FormerHostage:

Why did the gun cross the road? Because the chicken had a Concealed/Carry permit. 

Congratulations FormerHostage!


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from Dohtimes

Now that he's gone after pain killers in hospitals, NYC Mayor Bloomberg...still has a standing invitation to kiss Flo's grits.

Congratulations Dohtimes!


Now here's a line for you guys to play with:

For the inauguration, Joe Biden...


  1. ...will be kept at least a hundred feet from all open mics. He'll also be sporting his dressiest shock-collar as Plan B.

  2. Will be practicing his smirk

  3. ...will be rehearsing his oath of office: "There once was a man from Nantucket..."

  4. ...hopes to get the restraining order lifted so he can attend.

  5. ...wear his Captain America underwear.

  6. ...will make sure Obama gets a 'Harumph' from everyone.

  7. revised his speech: "There'll never be a DAY in the next four years I'll be proud to be his vice-president. Not one single day!"

  8. ...will be walking Barry's dinner and making a Secret Service agent carry the "pooplear football"

  9. Oh yeah, good to have you back and feeling at least a little better Keln. That Obama flu is rough stuff I hear.

    1. Thanks. I spent much of my time in bed shivering with feverish chills and clutching desperately to my wallet.