Saturday, January 26, 2013

Nuke the Punchline: US Postal Mars Delivery

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one and then the one before that. First the last one:

To avoid bankruptcy, the U.S. Postal Service...

#5 FormerHostage: ...has sent flyers to businesses that basically say, “Nice package you got there. Be a shame if something happened to it.”

#4 g: ...instead of delivering the publishers clearinghouse sweepstakes they are just filling them out.

#3 FredKey: ...said they were too big to mail and requested a mail-out!

#2 Rodney Dill: ...will start a subscription service known as Fee Mail instead of just regular mail, because everyone knows once you hook up with Fee Mails you pay for it the rest of your life.

And the best punchline goes to Dohtimes:

To avoid bankruptcy, the U.S. Postal Service will let a TSA agent weigh your package.

Congratulations Dohtimes!


And the line before that...

Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars...

#5 Son of Bob: ...and Chuck Schumer is already trying to figure out a way to tax it.

#4 blarg: ...Whiny liberals immediately called for a ban.

#3 gsmtiger: ...Unions are protesting because it wasn’t discovered by their members.

#2 Writer: ...and Obama is calling for a much larger Rover to so it can act as a bus when it gets there.

And the best punchline goes to Sharky:

Scientists have discovered evidence there could be life on Mars. And Bill Clinton called “dibs” on the females. 

Congratulations Sharky!


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from Harvey:

The most surprising thing that happened at Hillary's House and Senate hearings on Benghazi: First question - BAM! Hillary flops out of her chair onto the floor yelling "blood clot!" while peeking through her fingers to see if anyone's buying it.

Congratulations Harvey!


Now here's a line for you guys to play with:

Did you see the new license plate in Illinois?


  1. ...on the bottom, they've replaced "Land of Lincoln" with "The Bribe Me State".

  2. It was stamped by Blago!

    It read: CU NXT BO

    It was stamped by someone who failed to read a "gun free zone" sign

    It was on a car leaving for Wisconsin: less corruption and more cheese.

  3. I think it's perfect! The huge Obama head is exactly where it belongs, on the extreme left, and after you pay good money for it, you can't actually use it on your car. It's "commemorative". Of no use to anyone.

  4. ..."Now The Land Of Lincoln And Stinkin'"