Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Breaking State of the Union Speech Scandal

AP – Unsettling charges have been leveled against President Obama following a close examination of his State of the Union address last night.  The results of the examination proved conclusively that the President lip-synched the entire address.  This has led many to question whether the President’s one vaunted skill, public speaking, isn’t a fa├žade as well.
Beyonce was asked to comment and had this to say: “I feel so betrayed.  I originally voted for that man because of his stirring, hopeful rhetoric, but now I don’t know who I voted for. I don’t even know who that voice belongs to.”
Milli Vanilli had just one thing to say: “Impeach!”
The President tried to address the issue in a press conference this morning.  Harry Reid stood firmly by his side with his hand up the back of his shirt.  Every time the President tried to respond to questioning, Harry would say, “Now watch this.  He’ll answer while I drink this glass of water.” And the response was gurgly and unintelligible, so no insights were gleaned.
Following the press conference, Ron Paul had this to say about the incident: “What do you expect?  It’s been clear that Obama hasn’t ever had a clear grasp of the English language.  Nothing he has said has ever made a lick of sense.  If you want to communicate with him, I would suggest you try speaking in his native Kenyanese.”
Lastly, a forlorn and ashamed Chris Matthews admitted that he could tell the President’s lips were off pretty early on even in the first campaign, but he admittedly faked his tingles anyway. He was so ashamed.

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