Monday, February 4, 2013

Nuke the Punchline: CNN Ratings

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

As part of the plan to boost CNN's ratings...

#5 Anchorman: ...they’re going to have a single camera focused on a TV with Fox News and just play the live feed.

#4 Bob in Feenicks: ...they will start airing CNN in unemployment offices, which could either increase their current viewership, or lower new unemployment claims.

#3 Rodney Dill: ...instead of a monkey, they’ll send Candy Crowley into outerspace.

#2 g: ...they are hiring master of fiction Stephen King to write their stories, and JJ Abrams to direct.

And the best punchline goes to FormerHostage:

As part of the plan to boost CNN's ratings, they’ll just start misrepresenting the Neilson ratings the way they currently do the economic statistics. 

Congratulations FormerHostage!


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from Bob in Feenicks:    

If Obama can't get Hagel in as Secretary of Defense...he'll be hard pressed to find another candidate with less intelligence than Biden.

Congratulations Bob!


Now here's a line for you guys to play with:

To stop people from Photo Shopping pictures, Obama...


  1. ...just put in an order for 10,000 Iranian finger-chopping machines:

  2. ..declared the U.S. a "Photoshop-Free Zone."

  3. ...will make violators pay a tax on the penalty you pay so as to get past the Supreme Court challenge.

    ...said Photo Shopping is gay. Not in the good gay way but the bad gay way.

    ...Photo Shopped a skirt in front of his photo.

  4. ...had Photoshop classified as an assault weapon.

  5. is sequestering all the electrons in the universe.

  6. ....Obama declared that, just as the second amendment doesn't cover anything not in use at the time of ratification, the first amendment doesn't cover photo shop because the founders couldn't have envisioned something so destructive to his public image