Monday, March 18, 2013

Breaking News: Amid Charges of Racism, Nuking Politics Proves the Allegations by Joining Sharpton in his Hatred of White Folks

AP- (Washington DC) - The Reverend Al Sharpton, unable to work his way into the news recently on account of the lull in the Zimmerman trial, expressed some concerns to the press that have been ‘weighing on his soul’ lately.  “I was dinin’ at the Smokehouse down on route 85 t’other day when this whitey was sittin’ in the booth behind me,” the Reverend said.  “Now this, and I couldn’t believe my ears, but this whitey placed his order and he said to the waitress, who was black by the way, he said to this waitress, now don’t be niggardly with the ice. Like I was saidin’, I couldn’t not believe what my ears was hearin’, and this in Barack’s America.  So’s I did one of those double takes and was gonna pop a verbal cap in ole whitey’s tuckus, but then I realized something.  There ain’t not nothing I can’t not say what would offend this whitey the way what that N word offends us African Americans. 

“This, I was a’thinkin’, gets to the core of this Whitey dominated world.  There are no racial slurs for white folk what carries the offense of the other racial slurs out there.  Those j*** and g**** and j***** and r******** and c***** and r******* and n******* just ain’t not got the slurs to fight back with.  ‘Cracker’ and ‘honky’ and 'paleface' they's just don’t get the blood boilin’, don’t not make whitey do more than chuckle at their superiority and laugh at our lack of suitable slurs.  We got ‘oreo’ for black traitors pretendin’ to be white and ‘twinkie’ for asian traitors pretendin’ to be white.  Even womens gots the C word, but ain’t nothing for ole whitey.  I mean, I was on a plane t’other day, and Sarah Palin was on the same plane alongs with myself.  Talk about feelin’ conflicted, but I’s was prayin’ the plane would go down just so’s I could take that c*** with me.  But if Carl Rove hads been on that plane, well prayin’ that I can take some cracker down with me just don’t not has the same effect.  See’s right there, you’s could write out cracker all nice and pretty, but you’s couldn't not write out c**** and n****** all nice and pretty.  This is a tragedy.  I’m proposing the folks in Congress does something ‘bout this social injustice.”
When asked for suggestions about what the slur should be, the Reverend responded, “Oh, I don’t know.  All the good slurs are already taken.  Maybe ‘pinkie’ or ‘stubby’ or ‘beiber.’  Something what would really offend the white man.  This is something the keen, sensitive minds in the Senate should be able to figures out.”
When asked his opinion, Senator Robert Byrd, Democrat and former leader of his local KKK Klan, responded, “If you ask me, I think we need to stick with the tried and true classics.  I vote for ‘massa.’”
As a show of racial harmony and equality, Lactose the Intolerant of has decided to hold a competition to select a new racial slur for hated white folks like him.  Please submit your suggestions, and whatever one offends him the most will be the winner.


  1. Tolerator. Telepromterphobic. Underworkedandtaxedist. Constitution Readerist. Ain't compensatin' cuz you got so many guns now you can't find it type of guy.

  2. Let's see... what's white and unpleasant...