Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Michelle's Miserable Motives

I did not get my Zumba wear as promised yesterday. It didn't come today either. Disappointed, I slid into my Target spandex as I contemplated the extreme inefficiency of the postal service.  Who is in charge of those drones anyhow? Then, it strikes me. Duh. THE GOVERNMENT. And these days, who's got a say-so in everything government related? MICHELLE. A HA!

But wait, you say, isn't the First Lady supposed to be all about fitness? Wouldn't she WANT you to have your new clothes so you can work out and be healthy? NO.

Michelle's agenda is "Let's Move" which is Swahili for "Health has to HURT". Michelle spends most of her time getting together with Bloomy trying to think of things they can take away from the American people in the name of good health.  It's getting a little bit ridiculous.  No smoking, twinkies or big gulps for YOU! We're gonna make you healthy if it KILLS US YOU! And they're starting the indoctrination in kindergarten. Crazy.

I'm a pretty healthy girl. I know what's in what I eat and I make the choices I make responsibly.  But if I want a donut, you better let me have one.  I don't eat them every meal or even every day.  But sometimes a girl needs a Dunkin Donuts Toasted Coconut Donut.  It's just a fact.  Deal with it.  For some reason beyond my understanding, she wants people to be fit, but she wants them to HATE it.  Rather than encouraging good things, she, instead, targets all things enjoyable and TAKES THEM AWAY. Want a big soda or a greasy slice of school lunch pizza? Too bad! What can you have? Pomegranate seeds and arugula.  Seriously? Isn't there something in the Bill of Rights about not inflicting arbitrary cruel and unusual punishment?

Michelle loves scheming ways to make the American people feel miserable...and then guilty...and then miserable again.  They're slowly removing all of the fun and happiness from the lives of Americans as she insists "Let's MOVE!" (away from America?  Is that what that means?)

And now, because she can't bear to have me happy AND fit, she's holding my Zumba wear hostage. :(

Why would a woman like Michelle Obama want others to be miserable?  Let's see. Hmmmmmm.  Misery loves company.

But why, do you ask, would Michelle be miserable?  Could it be that she's married to the most impotent man in America?


  1. Oh, no, you di'n't!

    I've long said the liberal agenda is to create a utopia that no would could possibly want to live in.

    Give me a Dunkin Donuts Toasted Coconut Donut, or Give Me Death.

    Actually, at my size, both are equally likely...

    1. Silly. :) Tonight the flavor at Kopp's, the frozen custard place by my house, was Caramel Cashew. MY FAVORITE. But I used some restraint...

      Next time, though. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

  2. Next thing you know, Dunkin' Donuts will have to hide the taboo toroids behind the counter and sell them no more than 7 at a time, in a plain brown wrapper with a repulsive warning label featuring a picture of Michael Moore.

    1. Ugh. Heaven forbid! I'd have to throw away the entire wrapper - and salsa a little bit to cleanse my thoughts - before my appetite would be restored. Then I'd go in and buy another 7. Just in case :P