Monday, April 15, 2013

Dr. Brown Meet Dr. Razeqi

Dr. Razeqi, an Iranian scientist, has claimed that he has created a time machine.  Physicists examining the claims have expressed skepticism that the device is legitimate.  Here are some of the reasons they do not believe the time machine actually works as advertised.
·         Dr. Razeqi's only hard evidence that it worked was it that showed him he would die young, sad, alone and still a virgin.
·         It looked remarkably like a large eight ball hooked up to a printer. Vigorous shaking was required to make it work.
·         The flux capacitor was clearly just a neon Y stolen from an abandoned Best Buy sign.
·         It predicted eventual global domination by Iran.
·         It predicted that Barack Obama would go down in history as the last, greatest and most beloved President of the former United States of America.
·         It predicted a future where central controlled governments applying Keynesian economics ushered in an unprecedented time of global wealth and prosperity.
·         During demonstrations, the Delorean wouldn’t even start let alone hit 88 miles per hour.
·         The Morlock fur he brought back as proof that he’d traveled to the future was shown to have been clipped from an unlicensed cookie monster costume.
·         When the Iranian scientists were greeted with the phrase ‘Be excellent to each other,’ it only brought looks of confusion.
·         Dr. Razeqi's reports of the future climate agreed with current global warming models.
·         The high tech gadget he brought back from the future was a Zune with the mcirosoft logo scratched off.
·         In the future, the Jews no longer controlled the media.  The Scientologists did.
·         The device still had its ‘Made in China’ sticker.
·         In the near future, Solyent Green wasn’t people.  Instead it was made from discarded progressives.
·         It was made by Iranian scientists employing Quranic scientific principles.
·         The device suspiciously resembled a pipe filled with explosives and nails which was equipped with a timer, leading many to believe that ‘time machine’ may have been a mistranslation.
·         No one in the future could remember Lactose the Intolerant or Uncle Sid’s Guide to Homeschool Your Hellions (Only $5.99 at Amazon).

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