Monday, July 1, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - I Pity the Fool

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

The Price of Gold Tumbled to a 3-Year Low. Also Rapidly Losing Value…

#5 FredKey : …marriage.

#4 Bob in Feenicks : …Joe Biden’s gold coin collection. -He keeps eating the chocolate inside.

#3 Oppo : that screenplay that’s been kicking around your house for turning “Spider-Man” into a motion picture.

#2 walruskkkch 3 year lows.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Apostic: 

The Price of Gold Tumbled to a 3-Year Low. Also Rapidly Losing Value…Mr. T’s jewelry collection. (Possible headline: Price of gold tumbles. Mr. T hardest hit.)

Cookies to Apostic!

That made me laugh out loud. What kind of cookies do you like, Apostic? :)

Her Infinite Majesty Empress Kitten the First bestows a box of  my sister's UNCOOKIES on can of spam for his line:

The Price of Gold Tumbled to a 3-Year Low. Also Rapidly Losing Value…cookies. It’s a sad fact, but the exchange rates are against them.

Oh MY cookies aren't losing value. I'm not so sure about can of spam's prowess, though. SNOT. No cookies for YOU! :P

I'm feeling a bit lonely. :(  Apparently, Good Dwarves are Hard to Find and I'm all alone around here....HELP!!!!


Lots of great responses today! My favorite punchline was from Bob in Feenicks:

With temperatures expecting to break all time highs, Joe proposing raising taxes on Eskimos in order to get them to spread the ice around.

Cookies to Bob in Feenicks!

Here's a new line for you to try:

This morning, thieves rammed an ATM machine with a pickup truck. The next thieving scheme... 


  1. that cookies have lost value, people aren't watching them as closely, so Can of Spam plans to snatch them away from the unwary. Diabolically clever, that one.

  2. ... involving libertarians is [[insert scheme here]]

  3. "What kind of cookies do you like, Apostic? :)"

    I will humbly and virtually accept that which I like to make for others in the real world: White choc & Macadamia nut w/toasted coconut. (Maybe that'll get the value of cookie futures to rebound.)

    1. Oooooh! I've never put toasted coconut in those! YUM. Gonna share the recipe??

    2. I use the chip recipes by Alton Brown (or as he is known in our home, "Lawgiver"). Sub in a total by volume of mac nuts & white choc for the choc in the recipe. "Food process" some store bought, pre-toasted coconut to make the pieces smaller but not too small, then roll the spooned dough in the bowl before putting it on a baking sheet with a silicon baking sheet cover.

    3. That sounds heavenly! I can't wait to try it.

      Thanks for sharing! :)

  4. @Harvey: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!

  5. The next thieving scheme...

    ... will still make the perps look like pikers in comparison to the IRS.

  6. ...ramming one of those mall photo booths with a picture of a pickup truck.

  7. ...pick-up an ATM with a Ram truck (it's sanctioned now!)

  8. ...illegal immigrants ramming the border fence with a copy of the immigration bill. Its mass alone will take out a huge portion of the fence.

  9. ...will be called Obamacare

    ...will be able to be legalized by filling out a form to insure they pay the appropriate "new acquisition" fee to fund Obamacare

    ...will be perpetuated by Missourians, illegally crossing into Kansas to steal the good BBQ sauce recipe. We Need a Fence!

    ...Will undoubtedly happen in one of the 50 border states