Monday, September 16, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Bearded Birthday Boy

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…

Pic by Chris Muir
Note from Anonymiss: I chose my favorite, and I got an email from Harvey listing HIS favorite. Here are MY choices:

#5 Oppo: An official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, to take on his next stroll around NYC. [now all he needs is a rocker for his porch :) ]

#4 James:...A lifetime membership to the AARP and a “Buy one, get one free” early bird coupon from Denny’s. [or IHOP :)]

#3 walruskkkch: ..time off for good behavior. [he seems like he could use a day or two of vacation]

#2 tinman: … a pony. And a party with balloons. And a Bouncy Castle. And lots of presents. And a clown in an Obama mask. [sounds celebrate-y!]

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Dohtimes:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, a woman, with stuff, and cookies. Maybe a bacon chaser.

 Cookies to Dohtimes!

And here are HARVEY's favorites:

Baconable Mention - Former Hostage: ...a video of Michael Moore twerking and a bottle of eye bleach.
(Not really funny but I just wanted to put that image out there... yeah... I'm a jackwagon.) [For using my favorite word]

#5 walruskkkch:  first shot in a Rochambeau contest. [Hey Obama! How about we Rochambeau for an O-care waiver?]

#4 Jimmy: ...a chorus of "Happy Birthday" sung by an unruly crowd of drunk, IMAO Irishmen. [FINALLY! A use for the Irish!]

#3 Dohtimes: a nice piratey squint, a parrot and a peg-leg. [Which reminds me: Talk Like a Pirate Day is Thursday, September 19]

#2 Matt Musson: A 6 foot tall invisible Jimmy Stewart! [no comment - this is just clever]

And his favorite straight line of the day was from Anonymiss:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given… His Empress barefoot in her apron in his kitchen baking him cookies. [Why do you think Napoleon married Josephine?]

Bacon Cookies from
Harvey to Anonymiss!
(Woo hoo! Doing a little Zumba Salsa Happy Dance!!!  By the way, Harvey, did you have a good Birthday? What *did* you do?)

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch, Bob B, and Jimmy:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…

walruskkkch: ...Cookies!

Bob B: …a waiver from Obamacare … and cookies.

Jimmy…intravenous cookies!

Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch
Bob B. and Jimmy!

I just posted the winners of Bored Fusion 17: Don't Throw 'Em Out Yet at You've Been Fused: 17 and...

The new Bored Fusion 18: Timely Post 6 Months from Sat needs a name. I can't wait to hear your ideas. :)

My favorite NP punchlines:

California lawmakers have approved driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. Next to be approved...

#3 rodney dill : ...your car for illegal immigrants.

#2 Steve H :... drivers and/or pilots licenses for the blind. (hey, they can already pack heat...)

My favorite line was from can of spam:

California lawmakers have approved driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. Next to be approved...... definir espaƱol como el idioma oficial de California. [for those of us non-Spanish speakers: ... define Spanish as the official language of California.]

Toffee Trifle to can of spam!

Here's a new line for you to try:

Apparently, the White House is full of roaches and vermin. Obama...


  1. What did I do? Actually, I did the "woman, stuff, cookies, bacon" thing. Kinda awesome.


    "...Obama's cabinet is now FINALLY fully staffed."

  2. "Shocked, shocked..." to learn of this.

  3. falls under both categories.

  4. Blamed the dog, then he ate it.

  5. Killed the vermin then smoked the roaches.

  6. ...nominated them and the senate confirmed.

  7. ... pays them about 30% more, on average, than women in his employ.

  8. ... lets the lawyers sleep over for as long as they want (until the roaches and vermin move out from disgust).

  9. ... blamed Bush, of course.

  10. ...shrugged and said "What, me worry?"

    ...blamed Orkin.

    ...called in a drone stike.

    ...quickly enlisted them as his brain trust.

  11. ... called them "undocumented White House visitors" who were "an infestment in our future."

    ... asked for an exterminator, and Biden brought him Schwarzenegger.

    ... asked if Putin could do something about them.

  12. ...told one roach, as he was hustled safely away by the Secret Service, "you didn't build that roach motel".

  13. ...welcomed his old buddies from Chicago.