Nuke the Punchline - "Smart" Isn't Fixed...

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…

There were SO MANY awesome punchlines I had to choose 10. It was still hard to narrow them down. If you need a laugh today, go and read all the submissions :)

#10 rodney dill: …it can beat a Sicilian when death is on the line. 

#9 Bob in Feenicks: …Joe Biden was its benchmark for smart.

#8 Dohtimes: …nerd factor of wearing it is in itself a means of birth control.

#7 Jimmy: …is that it comes with ‘Airplane Mode’ where it starts calling you Shirley.

#6 c64wood: …it stores the location of the hidden rebel base as well as the plans to the Death Star.

#5 walruskkkch: The full Bond workup [see below]      {not Maxwell SMART?}
contains a garrote
built in Geiger counter
has a small laser beam cutting tool
has a powerful electromagnet that can deflect a bullet
features a spinning bezel which acts as a rotating saw
has a built in telex that allows the user to receive secret messages
Contains a remote detonator and explosive charge and fuse inside the back compartment.
Receives digital message read-outs and contains a 2-way radio/transmitter for voice communications
Contains a universal radio direction finder. This works in conjunction with listening device inside a fountain pen
Receives moving color images over the air
a remote detonator
Contains a Grappling hook with fifty feet of high-tensile micro-filament and a high intensity lighted bezel.

#4 Smilin' Jack:…a countdown timer for Obama’s days in office.

#3 Burt: …Both of its hands go up when it is being stolen.

#2 Fredkey: …is that it immediately requested a waiver from Obamacare.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from can of spam:

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…… is that it has adjustable smartness with an artificial IQ:
   * Set it to 140, and it discusses higher-order mathematics and philosophy
   * Set it to 120, and it directs you to newly-released non-fiction books
   * Set it to 100, and it will engage in conversations about American Idol
   * Set it to 80, and it gives you the programming schedule for MSNBC

Cookies to can of spam!

and lots of kiss up cookies to all you expert kisser uppers: ☺

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…

can of spam:… is that it sports built in cookie and bacon detectors.
jw: …that it plays bored fusion and asks for cookies.

walruskkkch: ...cookie dispenser.

rodney dill: …it reminds you to submit a cookie related comment.
Jimmy: ...…is that it wishes to remain Anonymiss!

c64wood: …it works while eating cookies.

Kiss up cookies to can of spam
jw, walruskkkch, rodney dill
Jimmy and c64wood!

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Have you submitted a title for Bored Fusion 12: *Special Labor Day Edition* ? Go submit your cleverest ideas...

I also posted the winners of Bored Fusion 11 at You've Been Fused: 11. Go check it out :)
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My favorite NP punchlines:

Texas school district opts out of federal school lunch program as kids refuse to eat healthier. Next to opt out...

#3 Dohtimes : ...will be Michelle Obama's bathroom scale which is moving back to the City of Broad Shoulders for a less stressful workload.

#2 Harvey : ...Obama opting out of all those annoying Constitutional restrictions on presidential powers.

My favorite line was from Bob in Feenicks:

Texas school district opts out of federal school lunch program as kids refuse to eat healthier. Next to opt out...Texas from Obamacare, since they want their kids to actually *BE* healthier.

Toffee Trifle to Bob in Feenicks!

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Here's a new line for you to try:

A man who threatened Cleveland police is making a court-ordered public apology by holding an "idiot sign". The next ordered idiot sign...