Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - "Smart" Isn't Fixed...

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…

There were SO MANY awesome punchlines I had to choose 10. It was still hard to narrow them down. If you need a laugh today, go and read all the submissions :)

#10 rodney dill: …it can beat a Sicilian when death is on the line. 

#9 Bob in Feenicks: …Joe Biden was its benchmark for smart.

#8 Dohtimes: …nerd factor of wearing it is in itself a means of birth control.

#7 Jimmy: …is that it comes with ‘Airplane Mode’ where it starts calling you Shirley.

#6 c64wood: …it stores the location of the hidden rebel base as well as the plans to the Death Star.

#5 walruskkkch: The full Bond workup [see below]      {not Maxwell SMART?}
contains a garrote
built in Geiger counter
has a small laser beam cutting tool
has a powerful electromagnet that can deflect a bullet
features a spinning bezel which acts as a rotating saw
has a built in telex that allows the user to receive secret messages
Contains a remote detonator and explosive charge and fuse inside the back compartment.
Receives digital message read-outs and contains a 2-way radio/transmitter for voice communications
Contains a universal radio direction finder. This works in conjunction with listening device inside a fountain pen
Receives moving color images over the air
a remote detonator
Contains a Grappling hook with fifty feet of high-tensile micro-filament and a high intensity lighted bezel.

#4 Smilin' Jack:…a countdown timer for Obama’s days in office.

#3 Burt: …Both of its hands go up when it is being stolen.

#2 Fredkey: …is that it immediately requested a waiver from Obamacare.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from can of spam:

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…… is that it has adjustable smartness with an artificial IQ:
   * Set it to 140, and it discusses higher-order mathematics and philosophy
   * Set it to 120, and it directs you to newly-released non-fiction books
   * Set it to 100, and it will engage in conversations about American Idol
   * Set it to 80, and it gives you the programming schedule for MSNBC

Cookies to can of spam!

and lots of kiss up cookies to all you expert kisser uppers: ☺

Samsung is releasing a new “smartwatch”. Its most interesting feature…

can of spam:… is that it sports built in cookie and bacon detectors.
jw: …that it plays bored fusion and asks for cookies.
walruskkkch: ...cookie dispenser.
rodney dill: …it reminds you to submit a cookie related comment.
Jimmy: ...…is that it wishes to remain Anonymiss!
c64wood: …it works while eating cookies.

Kiss up cookies to can of spam
jw, walruskkkch, rodney dill
Jimmy and c64wood!

Have you submitted a title for Bored Fusion 12: *Special Labor Day Edition* ? Go submit your cleverest ideas...

I also posted the winners of Bored Fusion 11 at You've Been Fused: 11. Go check it out :)

My favorite NP punchlines:

Texas school district opts out of federal school lunch program as kids refuse to eat healthier. Next to opt out...

#3 Dohtimes : ...will be Michelle Obama's bathroom scale which is moving back to the City of Broad Shoulders for a less stressful workload.

#2 Harvey : ...Obama opting out of all those annoying Constitutional restrictions on presidential powers.

My favorite line was from Bob in Feenicks:

Texas school district opts out of federal school lunch program as kids refuse to eat healthier. Next to opt out...Texas from Obamacare, since they want their kids to actually *BE* healthier.

Toffee Trifle to Bob in Feenicks!

Here's a new line for you to try:

A man who threatened Cleveland police is making a court-ordered public apology by holding an "idiot sign". The next ordered idiot sign...


  1. ...will be Assad's as that is the only redline response Obama will get congress to pass.

    1. btw, Rodney, I have a question for you if you still have my email address. For some reason, I couldn't find yours :(

  2. For everybody who voted for Obama in 2012.

  3. ... will simply be having to wear a nametag that says "Biden".

  4. ...will be issued to anyone who thinks "religious liberty" is an actual thing.

  5. ...it the drivers license photo of debbie wasserman-shultz

  6. ...will be Anthony Wiener's. -And will be strategically located.