Friday, October 11, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Catch a Tiger

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

The military is developing drones that will make their own “kill” decisions, based on…

#10 Conservatarian:…mathematical probability equations programmed by Obama’s accountants.

#9 jw:…comments left at IMAO

#8 Bob B.: …the number of “likes” on Facebook.

#7 CrabbyOldBat:...the target’s BMI. Thanks, Michelle!

#6 rodney dill:.…plans found in a little R2 unit.

#5 HokieGomer: …an internally mounted, gyro stabilized, Magic 8-Ball.

#4 Burt:…which side of the barrycade the target is standing on.

#3 theory, would you like to play a game? (I can still hear that freaky computer voice...)

#2 Oppo: … the onboard “Halal 9000" computer.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from FangBeer:

The military is developing drones that will make their own “kill” decisions, based on…eeny meeny miney murder.

 Cookies to FangBeer!

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch, rodney dill and James:

The military is developing drones that will make their own “kill” decisions, based on…

walruskkkch: ...those who love Anonymiss’ cookies and those that should know better.
rodney dill: …cookie breath.
James: ...ingredients needed to make a batch of killer cookies.

Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch, 
rodney dill and James!

My favorite lines from yesterday:

Al Gore tried to buy Twitter. Next...

#3 Bob B....he made a move on Craig's List (he had some redacting to do on the personals site)

#2 Oppo:... he tried yelling at everyone individually, door to door.

and my favorite line was from Les:

Al Gore tried to buy Twitter. Next... ♫
...thing you know ol’ Al’s a billionaire
The spin folk said, “Al, give us more hot air!”
Said, “Sellin’ carbon credits will sink the economy,”
So he packed up his bull and he sold Current TV.

To Al Jazeera, that is, Iraq gold, sexist tahini.

Cookies to Les!
Al Gore tried to buy Twitter. Next...He tried for some kiss up cookies. Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch!


Here's a new line for you to try:

A mail carrier was caught throwing away Obamacare mail because he was "running late". His punishment...


  1. ..he lost his exemption to ObungleCare

  2. ... he had to register each of the intended addresses for Obamacare himself. Online.

    [As an aside, are there such things as chicken soup cookies? I could probably use some right about now.]

  3. ...being forced to wait until he managed to sign up for Obamacare on the internet before being allowed to start his next delivery run.

  4. ... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! "Punishment" *giggle* *snort* *gigglesnort*... He's UNION, for cryin' out loud!

  5. ... he has to vote 20 times in the next election instead of the usual 10.

  6. ... he has to deliver mail with the revoked "Let's Move" stamps. (see:

  7. ...wait, punishment? He was commissioned to lose those flyers, in the hope that the crushing demand for Obamacare would ease up a bit!

  8. See Drone targeting above.

  9. to be Janet Napolitano's prom date.

  10. ...actually having to deliver the mail, in the rain, sleet and dark of night.

  11. ...actually having to deliver the mail in the snow, rain, heat and gloom of night.

    (corrected for accuracy with the actual motto)