Friday, November 1, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Hmm. Let's Call 'Em...

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…

#5 rodney dill: …but first they have to obtain the Illudium pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

#4 FredKey: ...Protective barrier over Earth formed by orbiting pages from the Affordable Healthcare Act. Downside: Never see the sun again.

#3 can of spam:… by giving asteroids veto power in the Security Council.

#2 walruskkkch:  you get this one little ship that fires really fast at all the incoming asteroids, but it looks a little sketchy.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Oppo:

The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids… by calling asteroids “UN resolutions.” Everyone knows they have no impact.

 Cookies to Oppo!

and today's best kiss uppers were  can of spam and walruskkkch:

The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…

can of spam… which involves telling the Cookie Monster (or a slightly lesser-known Walrus) that the asteroids were made by Anonymiss.

walruskkkch:. . .by its usual method, bribery. This time with Anonymiss cookies.

Kiss up Cookies to can of spam
and walruskkkch!

My favorite line from yesterday was from rodney dill:

When President Obama saw a study showing that left-handed people, like himself, are more likely to be schizophrenic he...was beside himself with anger.

Cookies to rodney dill. Again!

Here's a new line for you to try:

Now that the obesity rate in Mexico exceeds that of the United States, Michelle Obama...


  1. ...will get to work making other countries fat, so that eventually America will look (comparatively) thin and Michelle can claim success

  2. definitely wants to get amnesty through so she'll have some meaning left in her life.

  3. ...will encourage everyone to do the Macarena.

  4. ...will call for wider openings in the border fence, and more of those little electric scooters.

    ...regrets that the only Spanish phrase she knew was "Let them eat cake like the Frenchies".

  5. ...volunteered to help by confiscating all their burritos for their own good.

  6. ...Joe Biden claimed, "That's because the ones that run, jump and swim are already here."