Monday, February 3, 2014

Nuke the Punchline - "Great Basin" Preparation

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one (btw, who gets my awesome title? :)

DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…

#5 Burt:  …converting MetLife stadium to the first operational FEMA camp and detain all attendees until further notice.

#4 Jimmy: …Chris Christie will throw out the first pitch..

#3 Bob B: …include abandoning the border, because “everyone’s home watching the game, man.”

#2 Bob in Feenicks: …by confusing any terrorists by holding the Super Bowl in the same stadium where the New York Giants and the New York Jets play, but not tell them it’s actually located in New Jersey.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from walruskkkch:

DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…are so hush hush that only Obama knows what they are, and maybe Snowden, and the Russians, and the Chinese, and the North Koreans, and the Iranians, and the Palestinians, and Hamas, and Al-Qaeda….but definitely NOT Joe Biden.

 Cookies to walruskkkch!

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch, can of spam, and Fred Key:

DHS plans to X-ray all food and drink at the Super Bowl. Other preparations…

walruskkkch: ...making Anonymiss a Field Judge. 
[I would do that. Although, I may get squished, huh? Huh.]
...making sure no Anonymiss cookies get through untasted. [that's pretty much the effect they have on everybody :) ]

can of spam: … Jack Bauer-style interrogation for anyone trying to slip walnuts into the concession stand cookies.
[Tainting cookies won't make you feel any better, believe me :)]

Fred Key: …Anonymiss X-ray activated exploding cookies.
[That idea's kinda awesome. Next year :)]

Kiss Up Chocolate Crinkles
 to 
walruskkkch, can of spam
and Fred Key!
____________________

My favorite lines yesterday were:


Thieves stole over 70,000 books from Brooklyn libraries in one year. The stolen titles...

James:...included such seminal works as Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child and Simone Beck, The Joy of Cooking by Irma Rombauer, The Classic Italian Cookbook by Marcella Hazan, Le Guide Culinaire by Auguste Escoffier, and of course Anonymiss' Big Book of Cookies (with a introduction by The Cookie Monster) [You're giving me an idea... :D]

Bob in Feenicks: ...thanks to the publicity from Ted Cruz, Green Eggs and Ham.  :)

and my favorite line from yesterday was from Harvey:

Thieves stole over 70,000 books from Brooklyn libraries in one year. The stolen titles...Surprisingly, did NOT include any copies of Abbie Hoffman's "Steal This Book"
  
Cookies to Harvey
and Kiss Up Cookies to James!


____________________

Here's a new line for you to try:


Feminists are calling Wikipedia "very masculine". They pledge to fix it by...

12 comments:

  1. ..throwing history out of the window, replacing it with "her"story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Acting like they hate it while secretly competing for its attention.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...putting lipstick on the male chauvinist pig writers.

    ...no more articles written by people wearing only underwear.

    ...banning softball players from editing articles about famous lesbians.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...Placing chains on the seat so that it must remain in the down position at all times.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ...requiring all issues to be skirted.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Renaming it "Wikilesspedia".

    ReplyDelete
  7. ...replacing the real dumb with "Femdom"

    ReplyDelete
  8. ...doing to it what you do when you "fix" a dog.

    ReplyDelete