Friday, June 27, 2014

Tactical Nuke: Friday, June 27th, 2014

• Drudge, it's bad enough you had Hilliary's mug front and center for a day, do you have to keep Pelosi's up there too? Some people do eat breakfast while checking your site you know...

• We just surpassed 500,000 pageviews a couple days ago and I missed it. That's half a million! If I had a nickel for each time, I'd have, erm...well a lot of nickels, that's what!

• Ugh, nope, Pelosi is still there. Seriously Drudge, why do you hate us?

• The crappy German newsish-paper BILD ran an article about the top 5 things we Americans do better than Germans. Of course, it was all stuff about us being fat and in debt. So I thought maybe I could do one for things Germans do better than Americans:

   1) Starting major wars.

   2) Losing major wars.

   3) Being racist.

   4) Hating.

   5) Freezing to death in Russia.

   I was going to say having horrible leaders...but it's too close to call now.

• When I watch soccer, I still say "touchdown!" when the US scores. Which isn't often, because it's stinking soccer. Still, I refuse to say "goal!" or some other unimaginative innane thing as that like some unwashed low class non-American would.

• When an American watches soccer, it's kind of like when a Roman emperor would visit the games every so often just to make an appearance and pretend he was "one of the people" or something.

• I did see an article or something somewheres the other day that said the most American place to watch soccer from is sitting in an eagle's nest. I don't think the eagle would agree. He'd probably make you turn on a real sport, like actual football. He'd probably make you go get the beer too for daring to bring soccer into his home.

• Carry on.


  1. I guess I'm to blame for this, I used to keep track of random, subjective statistics like this.

  2. The best way to solve the whole "Yelling 'touchdown' instead of 'goal'" problem would be to not watch stinking soccer.

    Unless you're greatly in need of sleep.

    1. True. But I explained why I was watching it. It's not something I enjoy, but I just want to see the USA beat everyone else in their pansy sport. We only have to do it once. Imagine the weeping and gnashing of teeth in Europe if the US ever won that silly cup. The Brits are already whining about us still being in the tournament while they were eliminated...and it's "their" sport.

      You see, if we win, then we'll be doing so with America's second best athletes...because all of our best play real sports like football. In other countries, their best athletes all play soccer, so it's our second best against all of their best. Our guys that couldn't make the football team unless they wanted to be a kicker against the rest of the world's top athletes. It would prove we are the king of all sports forever, even the lousy ones we don't care about.

    2. You know what, though, it's kind of nice of us to give an outlet to all the other nations: One puny place where they can pretend they are better than us in a sport that we care absolutely nothing about. If it makes them happy and keeps them from annexing the Sudatenland, more power to them.

  3. Hey Keln!! I love your Tactical Nukes, buddy! You blindsided me with this one, though.

    I stopped reading Drudge because I can't stand the sight of those two females. Besides, it's nice outside. Why look at a computer screen?