Sunday, June 1, 2014

Too Much Carnage, Even for Carney

It didn’t occur to me until just now, but I wonder if this is how it went down:

“Okay, here’s the plan. In a few days, I’m going to release five of the most ruthless, high-risk terrorist war criminals from Gitmo in exchange for a soldier who, before his deployment, told a fellow soldier, ‘If this deployment is lame, I'm just going to walk off into the mountains of Pakistan’; who later ‘began to gravitate away from his unit’, spending ‘more time with the Afghans than he did with his platoon’; and whose last email to his parents before his capture by the Taliban read, ‘I am ashamed to be an American. And the title of US soldier is just the lie of fools.’”

“By the way, the captured soldier’s father tweeted to a Taliban spokesman recently, ‘I am still working to free all Guantanamo prisoners. God will repay for the death of every Afghan child, ameen!’ In other tweets, he described American democracy as a ‘cult,’ and blamed Boko Haram’s existence on the Nigerian government.”

“Oh, and this is all hush-hush, of course. As I promised when signing it last year, I’m going to ignore the part of the law that requires congressional notification about prisoner swaps, because, you know, the ‘Pen and Phone’ clause.”

“Anyway, Sparky, you’ve been doing a helluva job as press secretary for the past few years. I swear, you must pop Dramamine like Tic Tacs, from all that spinning. But I’ve heard rumors that you’ve been especially overwhelmed lately. I know this is a big ‘solid’ I’m asking, but if you can just come up with a clever little sound bite that can make this look good for me ... Jay...? Jay ...?”

1 comment:

  1. I just figured they had BS tags, like they do for radiation. When you reach a certain level of BS excreted, you have to give up, or risk losing all credbility with the three people who still think you you have any.