Sunday, June 15, 2014

World Cup Hooray!

But seriously: No.
It's bad enough to watch a bunch of school kids who can't figure how to kick a ball into a net run around a field for an hour-and-a-half, even when related to one of them. Why on Earth would I want to watch a bunch of overpayed guys who can't figure out how to kick a ball into a net do it, especially since I'm not related to ANY of them?


I know, I know: Most popular "sport" on the planet. The rest of the world just LOVES them some "football" as they think it should be called. It's SOCCER, morons, and it's BORING! Well you know what, most of the rest of the world poops in holes in the ground. And most of the rest that actually DO have indoor plumbing have such an iffy verion that they have to put the toilet paper in trashcans next to the potty, rather than flush it. You know, like civilized people do.

You'll have to excuse me, but I'm not taking advice on what is "interesting" or "entertaining" from a bunch of people who think vuvuzelas are the height of amusement. Dudes, it's a big, crappy. cheap plastic horn. Get over it. If I wanted to listen to a long, monotonous drone that goes on and on and on, I would just fire up the old iPod full of Odumbo's favorite speeches that he's given. (No I don't actually have one, but if they can force Odumbocare on us, there's no reason they can't force us to buy them.)

Really. If the rest of the world jumped off a bridge, not only would I not jump, I would probably shoot video and put it in a really good post about liberal lemmings.

The World Cup is little more than a chance for third world countries to forget about their crippling poverty, corrupt socialist/communist governments, and the fact that they have to stand in line for hours to buy luxuriy items like underwear and soap, and to celebrate the fact that THEIR guys in shorts running and kicking a ball around a field without figuring out how to kick it into a net are JSUT A  LITTLE BIT BETTER than our guys in shorts running and kicking a ball around a field without figuring out how to kick it into a net.

No wonder we're paying for pretty much all the defensive needs of every "civilized and free" nation in the world: Not one of these pansies could read a four-three defense and throw deep into dounle coverage with a 250 lb. linebacker bearing down on them from the blind side. That's FOOTBALL. Not this silly knees-bent-runnnig-around stuff.

World Cup.

The rest of the world can KEEP their cup. And I know just where they can stick it.

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