Wednesday, April 1, 2015

In Fun-Hating Schools, It's March 32nd

So, the other day, we got a letter sent home from school with our kids. Since it didn't address our children by name, I can only assume it was a general letter, sent to all parents, not just us specifically. 

Here's what it said:

Due to a number of incidents over the past few years, and the loss of productive time caused by these incidents, we have decided that it would be prudent to forbid pranks on the First of April.

In order to institute this policy, and to make it as seamless as possible, we will refer to the April 1 as March 32. The following day will then be April 2, allowing us to skip any unpleasantness associated that has been experienced in the past with the so-called April Fools Day.

In considering this policy change, we noted that this policy has been in place at a number of large corporations nationwide, in order to reduce lost work hours, and also at a numerous large universities with the goal of reducing hazing incidents.

What we ask of you, the parent, is to remind your children before they leave home that any pranks on this day will result in an in-school suspension. Please remind them, as well, that any mention of the words "April Fools" overheard by a staff member will result in detention. 

We believe these simple policy changes will allow our schools to run more efficiently and create a safer learning environment that all students can thrive in, and we thank you in advance for your support and cooperation.

(Signed by the Superintendent of Schools)

Now, maybe I'm being nitpicky here, but this just seems wrong. Seriously: the school lunches suck (THANKS MOOCHELLE! >:(  ), all the fun games, like dodgeball and tag are being taken from gym, the number of snow days (well, they call them "catastrophe days" now)has been cut back to the point of making "make-up days" at the end of the school year almost inevitable, and now THEY WANT TO TAKE AWAY APRIL FOOLS DAY?!?!?!? It just ain't right.

 This country is going to heck in a handcart.