Saturday, January 2, 2016

Resolutions 2016

Well, it's 2016. January 2, to be exact, and time for those darned resolutions. "Why January 2?" you may be asking?  Well, I'm tired of being on time and punctual, and resolve to be a day late and a dollar short.

So, without further delay, let's get started.

I like to start by reviewing the status of last year's resolutions. It allows me to have a baseline to make the new resolutions from.

I wanted to start by saying that, after 40-odd years, I have finally achieved all of my goals and attained perfection, but I suspect there's not a one of you out there who would swallow that crap.

Anyway: Status Report on Last Year's Resolutions:
I'm afraid I haven't been so good at letting my elected representatives know I'm out here and peeved. Though I did donate a small sum to Carly Fiorina. I'm not sure what kind of President she would make yet, but I suspect she'd be a great Vice President, considering the only one out the with more balls is Trump, and though his past positions give me concern, I think he'd be better than wht we hve now, and most of the others running. For the record, I really like Cruz.

Have I let the democRats know how I feel about them? Let's just say that I have more than one Twitter block, including my personal favorite: Climate change fraudster Michael Mann.

Apparently he takes exception to being called out for the fraud he is. Who'd'a thunk? I don't need global warming Mannsplained to me, anyway.

I guess I should apologize for the next resolution: beyond encountering difficulty finding my funny. I've been struggling again with my depression.  Angry, I can do. Hopeless, I can do. Funny, maybe not so much, But I will keep trying.

Procrastinating? I'll deal with that later.

Weight? Also sucks. I'm up over 70 ponds from where I was mid-October 2013. It's all been downhill (uphill?) since then.

Me grammar though improve big. Noticeable the difference is.

And walking? Lowest total miles sine I started keeping track: 504. Still hit the big 500, but just barely.

Finally: The self-esteem I was going to grow? Never happened. I know God has plans for me and kept me alive to help carry them out, but I don't know why he'd choose a fat*** like me. If I were a boxer, my weight class would be Jabbaweight. I'm not much of public speaker, and such an introvert that I literally have no one that I correspond with or speak to on  regular basis that isn't required to speak to me due to family or work obligations.

So. let's see if I can't come up with some better, more realistic resolutions.

1). I still want to let politicians and fraudsters know exactly what I'm thinking, so I can build an even bigger and more impressive "blocked" list on Twitter.

2). I;'m going to play to my strength and write more rants around here. I will do my best to make them humorous. Sort of like Louis Black, only conservative and funny.

3). My health sucks, and not just the mental variety. I spent six months last year with back spasms that were basically untreatable unless I wanted to spend all of my time hopped up on painkillers, so I just spent much time hurting, And I got gout in my wrist just after Thanksgiving and that just won't go away. So I resolve to spend as little time as possible moving and as much as possible on the couch doing nothing but downing painkillers and watching Netflix.

4). Resolution 3 makes Resolution 4 that much esier: I'm sick of working to lose weight and the continuing to gain. So, I am shooting for the stars: I want to get so fat that I can't even get on that TV show "My 600 Pound Life." They'll need  new title, I'll be so heavy. Maybe,"My life as a Hutt."

5). And I'll keep walking just because it's habit. but I'm going to stop caring about how far I go.

6) I'm sick and tired already, after a single year, of being on time. I think I'm going to star procrastinating more. Be a day late and  dollar short.

7). I'm going to find a new job. Or at least better hours. My horrible boss left at the beginning of November, which was very nice, but I need to get to day shift and cut down the weekends so I can 

8). Spend some time with the only two things that matter to me anymore: My family and My church. If my Church Mom (sort of like  blog parent, only with church) was still speaking to me, and didn't hate me (There ARE in fact some sins that are unforgivable, apparently), I would say "Thank you." It's one of the very few places I feel welcome, anymore, and I'd like to be able to be more active during the week, when I'm normally at work every evening..

So that's my resolution list this year: Anyone have any good ones the care to share?

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