Lactose the Intolerant

So, I've put writing this post off for days with the excuse that I "just can't find the right words".

I've come to the realization that there aren't any and the best thing I can do is just "go fer it" and ramble on. So I am going to ramble.

I found out a couple days ago that our dear friend here at Nuking Politics, Lactose the Intolerant, has passed away. It was very much unexpected and sudden. It happened in late September, and as is common with grieving families, it takes a bit for them to get the word out to friends online. Entirely understandable. I can't honestly think the first thought in my wife's head if I bought it would be to contact my computer friends.

She doesn't think they are real people anyway, so fat chance she would even do it. C'est la vie.

This is the part where I am supposed to say "what Lactose meant to me". Or some such thing. Personally, I think he would laugh at such a posting. It's not his style, nor is it mine really, and if I am going to be true to the guy, I'm going to do it the way he would do it. Probably.

His real name was Jonathan Siddoway. If he ever told me that, I don't remember. It's entirely possible, as I had a LOT of email talks with him over the years. I just knew him as "Lactose". Odd thing to call a friend, but that's what he went by.

And frankly, "Lactose the Intolerant", to me, is one of the wittiest and funniest names on the internet, even if it seems like "duh so obvious". I still never saw anyone else think of it in my 20+ years of internetting. So if you think it's so obvious, why didn't YOU think of it genius?

I can't imagine what he was like in person, because he lived in Utah, and I'm not even sure that is an actual state. It's nowhere near civilization, I know that much. So it would have been a horribly long drive. Or flight (do they have airports yet?).

But I'd say I know him. The he that is the him that is him. As confusing as that sounds, it means what I meant it to mean.

I'll put it this way. When it comes to political blogging, he had the funniness of any top 10 comedian you can think of, except he was also wicked smart. He would crack me up so much. Sometimes I would read something he wrote, and as I'm going along, I am like..."no, no, man, where are you going with this, wait don't, ahh...oh..LOL!"

That was his gift to this ragtag blog here. The man could turn a phrase like an artist paints a Picasso if he is actually Picasso. Which he would have to be, because otherwise that comparison makes no sense. I mean, your average artist out of art school isn't painting Picassos, and if they were, they would be called "Bobs" or whatever the artist's name is.

Anyway, Lactose can never grace us with any new stuff because he has a new gig now up in heaven. And I guarantee it pays better than his old gig, since I never paid him anything. Also, it's Heaven, so that's got to be better.

Dang, man, I am really going to miss you. We are all going to miss you.

I am also going to shove all of your old posts down people's throats for a while because, somehow, I think you would have found that hilarious.

Love you man. I'll see you again some day, and you can riff on how lousy this post was.

Your friend always,

Keln



You can find the central post for all things Lactose at IMAO right here. Harvey will be updating the post with links to various tributes and postings about Lactose, as well as his whole collection of posts on IMAO. Lactose will forever be listed as a member of the Nuking Politics team, and we will be running some of his old posts here for a while. Please feel free to comment below. If you have something you want to share via email, don't hesitate to contact us at nukingpolitics@gmail.com.