Thursday, July 19, 2012

Nutshell Socialism

Democracy is the road to socialism...

I guess it's pretty clear now to most people that Obama is a socialist. Many denied this back when he was running in 2008, because socialism is a scary word to most Americans. But Obama never really denied it, and even supported the idea that he was a socialist when he said things like "spread the wealth around" (known as wealth redistribution, a central theme of socialism), "I will fundamentally change America" (from a capitalist to a socialist nation), and "I was introduced to dog meat (tough)" (not sure what this has to do with socialism, but he ate a dog, man!).

But all of that stuff really doesn't hold a candle to what he said mere days ago, four years later, when he told evil greedy devil spawn rich people that when it came to their businesses, they "didn't build that". Because, as Obama knows, only government can really build businesses, provide jobs, feed and clothe people, educate you, give you health care, and provide you with happiness. And the key to all of this is socialism.

So, what is socialism? I know a lot of teabaggers and right-wing militia nutjobs think that socialism, and its hardcore brother communism, is basically about gulags and party-worship, and using the color red a lot. But Socialism is so much more than all of that. It is government doing all of those things that Obama wants to do and beyond. It is taking most businesses out of the hands of evil greedy devil spawn rich people, and putting it where it belongs: into the outstretched hands of The People! And by people, I mean people in government. Because they are smarter than your average people.

In a perfect Obama world, there wouldn't even be any taxes (he doesn't actually like taxes per se), because the government would own all of the businesses and give everyone jobs, and could pay for it all with the increased profits that only a socialist government bureaucracy could make, not pocketing so much of those profits for big mansions and fancy cars and for lighting their cigars with while they laugh at poor people as evil greedy devil spawn rich people are wont to do. And there wouldn't be any evil greedy devil spawn rich people anyway. Everyone would be equally the same. Each would have the same kind of house, and the same kind of job, and the same paycheck, and the same kind of clothes, and eat the same food, and drive the same cars (when allowed), and not be allowed to smoke cigars or drink expensive champagne.

Except the people in government, but they deserve extra for making all of those tough decisions and providing all of that stuff to make everyone equal. Just imagine it! A doctor would make the same as a plumber. A boss at work would make the same as the employees under him. And everyone would have to wait an equal amount of time in the lines to receive government rations. Government rations specifically designed to provide all of the nutrients your body needs, and not a calorie more. Why, obesity would cease to exist!

Can you just envision such a fair society? There would be no such thing as "keeping up with the Joneses" (they were sent to a gulag anyway), or wasting so much time and money to stay fashionable. Everyone would look exactly the same and have the same stuff! And in such a world, we could save the environment, because government could force everyone to be environmentally friendly. You would drive an electric car, and every house would have solar panels on it (from China), and there would no longer be any incandescent light bulbs, and there would be a curfew for electricity usage, and all sorts of great ideas.

And there would be a social revolution too. Anyone could get married to anyone (provided the correct forms) without any evil churchy people to get in the way, as all religion would be equally and fairly repressed into hiding. And there wouldn't be any worries about what is being allowed on television, as all channels would be run by the government, and everything would be perfectly suited for a citizen of this brave new country.

This is Obama's true vision. A nation above all nations, where the people are cared for in a way that only a benevolent socialist government can do. With Obama as its steadfast leader, making the hard decisions, like which enemy of the state to send a drone strike against next, or how to better implement Michelle's ideas into the national rationing program.

Viva la Obamalucion!

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